tingx

moved!

2010-04-27T13:44:00.000+08:00

http://therhapsodist.wordpress.com

seeya there!

2010-04-21T17:46:00.004+08:00

tomorrow marks the start of my exams and i'm still here. roars. just have the urge to write something down i guess? before everything in my mind gets twirled up as i link key ideas and theories from one module with another. 203 and 221 can practically be best friends because the food corporations mentioned in 221 can be so linked to capitalism and many other economic factors that get tied up with corporations in 203. jasmine and i shared a knowing smile when i talked about Monsanto which i've learned in 221 during my 203 presentation.

and i ate alot these days. one good thing about study week is that we go for lunches and dinners together in big groups! it's always more than 10 people ok, with the regulars like me xueshen xinying peizhi ziai yuenyin vanessa keechen wilmond shaggy jasper gina clement. today was epic with 13 of us (plus darren shianyang edmund xianwei so that makes 17) occupying the entire row of tables in can9. epics.

played alot of the impossible test as me and wilmond try to get the top score in my phone. currently i triumphed at 133 in my phone, but wilmond's best record so far is 128. though it's nowhere near to jeremy loi's record of 121 in xueshen's itouch. or the developer's record of 106 seconds. lol.

and i'm accumulating alot of shows! now i'm waiting for csi (miami, las vegas and newyork), the tudors, and jersey shore to be ready. and i've gotten gossip girls (3 seasons) from clement, and probably glee from xueshen (who took from clement) soon. and there's the old movies! woo. madness.

and then there's things which i don't want to think about right now. i just hate it when it keeps creeping back to disturb/annoy me to no end. ironically, after the exams i wouldn't need to think about it, because it would be out of my reach by then.

rahs. so annoying. back to study!

and i'm gonna skip dinner cuz drank too much tea.

here comes the rain

2010-04-13T21:08:00.002+08:00

ROARS.

it was drizzling in the evening, and clement was like thanks ah for your big mouth, cuz after i told him on msn that it looked like it's going to have a downpour, it started to rain harder and he hafta keep his clothes. and after dinner it just started raining even harder! and i have made plans to go run with peizhi tonight!! damn emos. ):

and then the rain is totally making me no mood to do the 203 presentation on friday, or start on the 221 essay qns for thursday. well at least i've completed the lecture reading for tmr's 204 lecture. and i cant play those fb games cuz i'm waiting for them to finish cooking/harvest/finish their tasks/increase the HP. RAH.

9 days to exams. and less than 3 weeks to holidays. and i'm still having lectures and tutorials. ZOMGS. let's hope that year2 will be better. i want to go for sakae buffet in ntu! ):

sleepy!

2010-04-09T11:05:00.003+08:00

blogging from old Can A! had a not-so-fruitful tutorial just now because i was practically stoning and i swear i didn't doze off or anything! and somehow time flew so fast that before i even knew it, prof said that we were running out of time for discussion (maybe bcuz there were two presentations today). haaaa.

and i was stoning because i didn't sleep last night! it felt like my thursdays last sem when i would somehow end up sleeping at 6 after chatting with people and then try my best to wake up and go for my 102 lecture at 1030!

it all started from dinner. during dinner i told peizhi i don't plan to go to games room for carrom training. but since we ate rather early, and everyone at the table agreed that i play damn slow (that's junfeng xinying peizhi edmund for you), i decided to go practice lor. junfeng trying to convince gina to play carrom too ma, so cannot lose out alrdy!

and so i played. played 3 rounds with ziai for like 1.5hours. same as my old timing. cui-ed! but at least i didn't lose all the way! and i realised i didn't like to aim, thus at the beginning it may seem like i'm quite fast or zai, but it's because there's alot of seeds arnd for me to aim!

9.30 went up with peizhi to like print notes and stuff before running at 10.30. edmund joined us and we went for half-199 route (cut through the slope at hall3 instead of running to NIE). was suan-ing edmund as 坏人when he insisted that he's 好人. ran back just in time to see the doubles game (xinying and ziai vs. matthew and xianwei) ending (it was towards the end when we left). then me and peizhi decided to play while chillaxing in games room, and edmund was playing with candee at then. then i played damn slow again, so me pz and edmund were the latest. to my horror, it was 12.45am when we were going back to our rooms! (and weiwen and henry were still selling waffles. madness).

walked past reading room and saw shaggy motioning for me to go in. he asked me if i want to play monopoly deal and i said yes! haha. as my roommate was sleeping, and edmund offered his room, we decided to play after we (me and edmund) showered!

but in the end we went to wilmond's room because xianwei (edmund's roomie) and yongjie was practising presentation with shianyang. me shaggy edmund clement wilmond played! shaggy damn zai la. won 2 rounds! but i thwarted his chances of winning the third round cuz i guessed cleverly which property wildcard he have! :DDDDD and a noob like me actually won a round too!! hehehe. quite fun and addictive! probably gonna buy or sth and then play during ncoc/otc! lol.

basically, it's like the card version of monopoly (as you can see from the picture), but there's action cards like Forced Deal, Sly Deal, Debt Collector etc! and that makes it a damn addictive game! some jcrc ppl were crazy over it in the past few weeks and i only played/seen it on wednesday after block supper, when yuenyin ziai edmund clement were playing in clement's room (the deck belongs to clement).

and so we played from 1plus to 3.45am! madness mans. hah. and i decided not to sleep because my tutorial is at 9.30 ma. so might as well. but i dozed off at 6plus la. ha. actually felt quite nice seeing the warm sun at 8plus! and i washed my clothes. haha. just have this nice feeling!

after tutorial met gina and told her about last night. both of us agreed that this sem we were like so much tamer, sleeping at 1,2am! maybe next sem will havoc cuz we gonna share a room together! so exciting. hahas.

and 21days to end of exams! zomgs. received 2 midterms results and the feeling is quite mixed. but nevermind, i shall face it! jiayous!

2010-04-04T01:03:00.002+08:00

time for updates!

went for xlb buffet at holland v with fy yy jq on wednesday night! deliberately didn't eat much before that (in the afternoon at close to one me and bindhya went to take hss goodie bag, which includes free bubble tea and subway cookie! yuenyin and ashlyn got mr bean soya milk and pancake. heh) so that i can eat eat eat! :D

ate 15 xlb and i'm like sian-ed. the steamboat was nice! love my mutton slices to bits. :DDD and i ate alot of pork and beef slices. no carbohydrates but lotsa proteins! LOL. :x

went back to jurong with yy and i went to find the carrom peeps at the kopitiam opposite city harvest church. and then we went back to hall together! poor xinying got injured!

that nice after showering was in my room when i heard laughter outside. of course go out to see la! traced the laughter to be from xy's room (which is like 2 rooms apart with a pantry in the middle! trust me it's quite far) saw edmund at the door quietly removing clement's slippers away. he put one outside mesy's room and i put the other one outside liling's room. hehe. then went in to chat! got clement ziai xinying peizhi! (edmund soon left). chatted about all sorts of stuff and we suan-ed clement! (since he's the only guy). talked about his hair and i commented about his spiky hair in the 06 sajc yearbook. heh. ended up sleeping at 4! zomgs.

woke up late for the 830 lecture and so i skipped! then after that went for 221 tutorial. after that decided to go home cuz wasnt feeling too good and i was sian to wait for 3 hours to the 221 lecture (dun have hw111 tutorial cuz not my turn to present). just nice during the 221 tutorial dad smsed me asking me what time to fetch me. told him to come at 2.

and you know what? soon after i got into the car and headed back home, it started to rain very badly!

has been raining pretty much for the past few days. on tuesday after i got my clothes out from the washing machine i'm like sian-ed cuz dark clouds are looming! zam sians. then today rained like mad ok! but i still went out for ncoc meeting. and the beautician who attended to me today asked me if i'm 十几岁!! wahahha. :D

ytd slacked at home. wasnt productive! sians. then tomorrow there's otc meeting. took AO (when william didnt think that i would continue!). then today i started the idea of module of HQ studies (which me xueshen changyu are taking - william's majoring in it). lol. i foresee many days in hq ahead! :x

but for now it's EXAMS! 18 days to exams. ZOMGS.

still water runs deep

2010-03-26T22:49:00.002+08:00

blame it on charissa. she wrote something about loving High Society songs in her facebook status and of course i went to comment about it! i'm a huge fan of High Society after all. while she linked a video of maksim's still water on facebook, i went to High Society's website to look at the discs (she bought A Love to Remember 3 for her friend). right on top of the songlist of that album was maksim's Still Water. went to youtube to find the video because the link charissa uploaded on facebook was too soft, but that seem to be the only decent video in youtube (the rest was renditions by netizens). so i upped the volume and ZOMGS, i'm in love with the song.

it has that super melancholic feel, and it was written somewhere that it was one of the calmest/saddest song of maksim. as i listened to the song (on repeat), images of lovers being separated in the ancient european (mainly italian/british/parisian i don't know why) times came into mind. it also reminded me of Mono's Life in Mono, probably it had the same haunting feeling too.

and then i started listening to maksim's other songs and i must say i'm quite impressed with some of the tunes too (i only had Croatian Rhapsody in my itunes previously), like New World Concerto (which was featured in A Love to Remember 2) and Exodus. in super instrumental mood now!

anyways. met up with shiyun for lunch in jp at around noon time. (cuz a few days ago i decided that we shall meet up and thus we did) because of her fantastic phone app, i bought Steve Berry's The Charlemange Pursuit. i suppose it would be a good read, because i'm a fan of steve berry too! i have a feeling i would have tons of books to catch up on during the summer holidays, because i've noted down so many book names in this trip to Harris! probably gonna ask the bwg boys to buy books back for me from taiwan! and i still have a handful of books unread lying in my bookshelf. rahs.

went to Ambush for lunch after much deliberation (used shiyun's phone app again and we had intended to go Fish & Co before we got attracted by the smells of Ambush). had paella! was a rare treat because this spanish dish is quite hard to find! had clam chowder too!

had haagen-dazs for dessert and it's shiyun's fault cuz she said she wanted to have dessert and in the end she didn't eat. shld have bought the cappuccino truffle ice-cream! chocolate chocolate chip has disappointed me this time. went to the bank before i headed back to hall to write my essay. i'm about done okay! just need some editing.

anyway was testing out Hipstamatic app in my phone and it's marvellous! love the tone and feel. the first two photos were taken with John S lens, and the one above was taken with Kaimal Mark II. all three used Ina's 1969 film without flash. fantastic! lomo takes second place for now! :D

feel like posting up this picture cuz the kid is SUPER CUTE! he's called Lincoln and he's the son of one of our hall fellows, Prof Toon (pronounced that way). he's very bubbly and ran around during wednesday's hall supper and yesterday's dialogue session! ANDDDD he has damn long eyelashes. like wth! what's wrong with kids these days man. all have long eyelashes! my younger cousin chen xin hao (which yy likes to call it as chen xin hong - aka 阿信) has damn long eyelashes too! zomgs.

i nearly had a photo of him looking straight into my camera. ohwells. next time then. :D

okay back to editing my essay before packing my bag for tomorrow's recce after the Run Around Singapore thingy!

thinking about the future

2010-03-25T00:27:00.004+08:00

super bloateds!

was mad crazy to eat like 2.5 pkts of nasi lemak (even though the rice and otah are SO NICE) for hall supper! was zam sads that i didn't manage to kop alot of puddings! i thought i would get to keep the box full of puddings but all those kiasu residents just rummaged through the boxes and found my hidden stash! eventually jasper had to give up one of his puddings to me cuz i haven't eat yet. (too full from nasi lemak you see)

with the end of hall supper my duties as block rep has more or less concluded! cuz all that's left is blk suppers by blk 46 & 48, and then maybe helping out for next academic year's ibg if i'm staying in hall!

then just now in xueshen's room somehow got to the topic of staying hall next year, and chairing of projects and stuffs. clement called me vp and i'm like huh?! told him about my plans and he said if that's the case i might have competitors, so i might as well just be vp cuz the position is usually taken up by ex blk rep. see how lahs.

quite happy that i'm more or less on track for my studying this week. i have completed my reading for tmr's tutorial before hall supper! BUT I HAVEN'T START STUDYING FOR MY QUIZ NEXT WEEK. and the readings are horrible. then i have recce, run and a few other million things this week. like meetings and mini competitions. zomgs. zam stress.

anyways saw someone today and i keep ignoring him. feel zam mean/bad etc but i just dun feel like acknowledging him. there are times we kinda like saw each other but i dun even want to say hi! that's how much i want to stay away from him. zam bad.

argh. shall go sleep with a bloated stomach. but i'm super thirsty! and i need to start starving myself to prepare for the buffets next week!

♥ a1!

2010-03-19T21:55:00.002+08:00

ahahaha. i just can't resist embedding more a1 videos here! ♥♥ this is the latest single, Don't Wanna Lose You Again, released by a1 around jan/feb period this year! and here's another performance by them in norway! ohmans if only i was in norway! so envious of the people going norway in the second half of the year! (namely weiwen edmund glendon clement) cuz i think a1 will continue having loads of performances in norway! RAHHHH. ):

a1 please come over to singapore for a concert and i promise i will buy the most expensive ticket! LOL. has been spamming their songs (everytime and don't wanna lose you again) ever since friday and i'm still NOT sick of them!! wahha.

anyways. felt like blogging about my starbucks fetish for the past couple of weeks. ever since last last saturday (6march), i've started buying starbucks like once a week! first was dark mocha frappa, then last week was green tea latte frappa with chocolate chip muffin, and today was hot chai tea with chocolate chip muffin.

felt damn shiok eating the chocolate chip muffin la! because unlike those cheaper ones sold in bakeries, there's chocolate chip even within the muffin itself other than those on the top! super ups! didn't manage to eat my muffin today so i'm gonna have it for breakfast tomorrow! ooohhh. (:

but the chai tea was too peppery for my taste. wanted to save the cup but can't cuz it spilled. and so i threw it away. but i saved the other plastic cups! think gonna use it as storage or sth. (:

gonna be at home for the weekend! but i need to curb my tv cravings and stop watching so much tv. in fact, i'm sitting in the living room watching tv as i'm using my laptop! jialat mans. :D

a1!

2010-03-16T23:40:00.009+08:00

just now was looking at the live feed on fb (i camp there regularly) and i saw this feed from yizhin about a1, and her friend commented that a1 is coming back. and so i googled and then wiki-ed.

a1 is coming back!!! *squeals and throw confetti around

i dun think anyone of you knew, but i'm a BIG FAN of a1. i adored them more than westlife or backstreet boys. for some strange reason but yeah i love them to bits, even though they didn't manage to make it as big as westlife or bsb. i still remember back then i listen to Power 98 every day, partly because they seem to adore a1 too! somehow in that radio station a1 songs always hit the top of the charts! and the boys would do interviews with the radio station!

and of course my favourite was Ben Adams, the lead singer of the band.

i mean, it's not difficult to see why right? lol. mark was a close contender but c'mon, ben is the baby of the group and closest to my age (he's born in 1981). and his blue eyes... AWWWWW. not to mention he sings damn well! he can play classical piano, oboe and violin, and he got a scholarship for his musical talents! he also have performed regularly for big shots like the queen and the pope! like zam zai ok! but the bottom line is that he's cute la! hahas.

back in those days i hunted down all the local mags that features them and i do think i still keep some of them at home! though sometimes i just find his hair kinda disturbing. lol. but well, nick carter used to have similar hairstyle so i guess it's a typical heartthrob-of-the-band look. (i think kian egan and nicky byrne from westlife used to have similar hairstyle too, but kian totally cmi. nicky was better. :D)

and as i look back at those videos, i find them quite cheesy with those super close up shots of the band members. it's quite unnerving actually, unless it's featuring ben! (that way i can look at his eyes again!! lol) and i still remember how excited i was when they announced that they are coming over to singapore to film their single No More! but i was primary 6 and i can't go out by myself! if not i would probably try to find them. lols.

i bought all their albums (originals ok! and i was in primary school so you can imagine how hard i have to save in order to buy!) and i was damn mad at my bro for kinda destroying their first album Here We Come cuz i can't listen to Heaven By Your Side on stereo! (and i used to link that song to Angel Sanctuary, the manga which i was reading back then) i was so upset back then in 2002 when they split up after their 3rd album, Make It Good. it was a good album because they're no longer sticking to those bubbly pop songs and going for a matured sound (not like westlife!). i loved the entire album!

and 8 years later they are back! (without paul though) wiki said that they're gonna release a new album in spring, so it should be quite soon! super looking forward to it! but then when i was at ben's wiki, it was written that a1 will reunite for the last album! noooooo~ listened to their new singles and they were not bad! (:

anyways here's a matured ben at 29 years old! so much better aye! was googling for his pictures when i saw this topless pic of him. i was like zomg so hairy?! and then i remembered i've never seen any topless pic of him 8 years ago. and then there was another photo of him completely naked save for an object covering the most important part. i was like zomg again. lol!

seriously, seeing ben and the rest of a1 just reminds me of the past. it was around 10 years ago when i first listened to their music! oh how time flies! and i'm ready to fall in love with ben all over again!!! hahahas. so excited! (:

going for sakura buffet with hpy on 28th and then xiaolongbao buffet with yy fy jq on 31st! gonna gorge myself to no end! lols. and the launch event on sunday was rather fine! met up with peeps and though i was damn tired but it's worth it! i'm super looking forward to the summer hols!

If I can't have you and if the love we have is gone
And if you just can't find it in youself to carry on
And if you have to leave and take my life forever
'Cause I wouldn't be with anybody else
If I can't have you

to stop and think for a while

2010-03-12T17:34:00.007+08:00

today had been some sort of whirlwind day. to an extent it was quite fun though i still can't quite believe i've actually did it. and yes i have a lot of stories to tell. i'm the intelligence unit in hall9 after all. though my satellite is limited to arnd mainly 46 & 47. :D

classes were normal as usual. went for the 203 tutorial without reading any of the readings cuz i was trying to finish the reading which i'm doing for presentation on monday. seriously i think my tutor is funny. not the good funny but the bad funny - us students laugh at him cuz he's so retarded. for example, he came in today in his ethnic garb - he's bangladesh btw - with aviator shades. like seriously?!

joked to jasmine and georgin that he wanted to avoid acknowledging the students as he doesn't want to put on his situated identity as a professor (sth which we learned during 204 lecture on wednesday. 学以致用ok!) and then there's this andrew time cuz the prof always looked to andrew, the guy who initiated the mass emailing of our batch of students to change tutorial classes before the start of school last sem.

back then i had this funny impression of him as a total geek who wants to run for soci president or sth. my impression did differ a bit from the andrew in reality (as in from what i see) when i have 2 tutorial classes with him this sem. but he's still some sort of geek i guess. he wears the same loafers which don't look suitable for his age (it looked like what my dad will wear!), but i must admit his nike jacket was damn nice.

don't get me wrong. he just happened to walk around in class to help our fellow classmates to set up the laptop presentation - he's the only guy in the class after all - almost all the time. and our dearest prof loved him to bits that he always looked at him for opinions as some form of conclusion for each presentation. even though he didn't want to really comment but he had no choice! but it was quite awesome that he can come up with something even though he didn't plan to comment. and i also got remember about the dependency theory during the tutorial today ok!

anyways. after the tutorial headed towards north spine for food. was deciding between the quad at sbs, or canA. i ended up at macs cuz i wanted to eat the hot and spicy shaker fries (even though i was totally turned off by jamie oliver's depiction of the manufactured chicken nuggets - processed meat + processed fats + some sort of flour or sth - in his documentary. the kids in the show was grossed out). met georgin and we went over to oldcanA to study. went to buy my lunch later on cuz it was still breakfast hour. finished my reading and i decided to take a nap at 12pm. when i eventually woke up, it was 1239, ie my hw111 lecture has started!

georgin was at the opposite table in a midst of discussion (we were supposed to go for the lecture. gina was there too btw but she had decided to pon the lecture). so i decided to continue napping until close to 1pm. turned behind and was surprised to find marcus and ivan sitting behind. chatted a bit before me and georgin left. oldcanA felt quite nice to study because it's windy and everything, but when i woke up at 1, the place was practically swarmed with people! bobian, it's like 1+ month to exams so everyone has started mugging! what a turn-off. i think i will be satisfied with reading room in hall.

went to leeweenam library to find a book to use as secondary source for my presentation. can't find it in ntu libraries but i found it in nus library! so recruited fangyi's help to borrow the book for me - need card to get into central library! so mafan. and i jumped into the pioneer bus which arrived within minutes after i reached the bus-stop, and off to nus i go!

but when i was on the train, fangyi texted me and said the book cannot be found on the shelf! but the catalogue said that it's available!! like WTH?!! zam disappointed and i contemplated alighting at the next stop and head back to ntu - after all, i can still do my presentation without the references.

but i didn't. instead, i alighted like 6 stops later at outram park, and off to people's park complex i go! bought koi - oolong milk tea ftw! large cup summore! and it happened to be the outlet which i bought my very first cup of koi bubble tea (and it's oolong milk tea! i always drank this except for once when i bought 梅子绿茶, which is too sour for my taste). then headed back to ntu after i found another book which was available in business library.

went there, borrowed the book (i forgot to bring my matric card but the lady there was nice to give me one chance) and headed back to hall! and here i am, typing my encounters! not going back this weekend cuz need to finish the presentation, and tomorrow night i'm going over to hq to sleep after i'm done with my stuff in hall! sunday is Heart2Heart@Launch! i'm quite nervous you know. :x

please come down to vivocity and give us your support this coming sunday!!

oh did i tell you? i'm totally crazy over this show, 就想赖着你! by ella and jerry, and it's damnnn funny! found a 知音 in yuenyin when i commented to wanyee on monday that i'm zam tired cuz i watched the vcd version on youtube until 4am and she said that yuenyin also watched! so the two of us started discussing about the storyline excitedly. i was even watching it when i was having dinner with the rest in can9 on monday lor! hahas. but stopped after monday cuz was mad busy with all the stuff to do.

things will be going back on track after monday! wt jiayou!

love is..

2010-03-09T12:10:00.002+08:00

just now while i was in the pantry making mee goreng (yes i'm lazy to go down for lunch on tuesdays cuz i have the whole day free!), one of my gls came in with his gf and they like hestitated for a while before he asked me if i've brought out my tap card. it wasn't with me so i went back to my room to get it and opened the toilet door for his gf. (this is something which me and some other girls in level 3 often do cuz there are quite a number of girlfriends from other blocks or not from this hall)

and then i just have this strange feeling rising up.

we (the og) had a htht session during foc when we were in sentosa after sp night, and he revealed to us that he broke up with his gf during the earlier part of the foc. so we obviously went oh we're so sorry to hear that!

and guess what, a few weeks after the foc, rumours of another girl and him in hall started spreading around. though they weren't quite obvious, i've heard news about it, and at a point of time, i was within the loop of info (ie the girl was talking abt it when i'm arnd). she talked about the 暧昧 things the guy has done etc and back then i was thinking they recovered quite fast (for the girl had ended a relationship either prior or in the midst of the rumours)

just as abruptly the rumours had started, the rumours ended. and a few more weeks later, the girl started visiting another room at lvl3 more frequently and one night when i saw the new guy ran upstairs with a framed puzzle (of mickey and minnie mouse sitting on a terrace overlooking the beautiful view of santorini). i was damn sure that was the night which marked the start of a new relationship.

as if to compete with the girl, the guy got together with another girl and brought her to hall during the december holidays. somehow i just have this feeling that the guy was multi-tasking within the 3plus month period, or he wasn't even serious with the girl at all. on top of that, i've always heard things about him being womanizer and stuff, so i guess i've a fixed impression of him.

as for the girl..i don't know if i should say she recovers very quickly, or she didn't put in alot of feelings into the relationships, considering how quickly she had switched from one to another. or maybe it's because we are in a hostel. we see the people on a almost daily basis, so it's easier to 日久生情? (which is why there are many couples in hall, and why there's such a term called the first sem syndrome - where the freshies and the laojiaos met and live together in the same hall/block?)

or maybe like what 单无双, and many people in the older generation thinks, us 七年级生 (ie those borned from 1980s and beyond) falls in and out of love too easily - thus the term 速食爱情 came along. though i must say there are also healthy examples around, like xueshen and his gf.

or maybe it's just how individuals view this strange thing called love.

2010-03-04T02:05:00.004+08:00

So this one goes out to all of the people how have been broken but have been strong enough to let go. For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt they could never love again, but kept their head up. For those who feel like going back to their old lover would put all the pieces back where they belong and everything would fit, but accept the cold hard truth instead. For the people that learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that wish loneliness wasn't a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty. For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway. For the people that periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future. For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity in tact instead. For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured.

For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times it's better just to let go.

This one is for you.
We'll get our happy ending someday.

http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/2010/03/someday.html

*
yes we will. though i wouldn't want it to come so fast, like now.

sometimes i do find myself being more friendly to certain guys than others, and i would question myself what kind of relationship i'm expecting with them. more often i would find myself answering friends, though sometimes my answer might differ from what my heart actually wants. like i wrote in last november that things might change, but nothing has changed. maybe because he was often not in hall during the holidays, and i was busy with other things too. it felt kinda nice when we watched a movie on his laptop just so spontaneously (and of all movies, Beauty and the Beast, disney version! lol), but really, nothing was there. though i was teased by the others when someone said that i spent quite some time in his room (for goodness sake, the movie was abt 1.5hrs!).

and then another person said that the someone who said so would be jealous. gosh. somehow i've landed myself in scandals when i'm the kind guys probably wouldn't like. and i haven't been chatting with that someone as much as before already! i suppose the others just teased us based on the silly things we've done in the past.

all i want now is peace with nothing interferring. i'm letting go something which i've tried holding on for 6 months, so the last thing i want now is something similar to come haunt me again. i know i can't control my emotions, but i will try to keep them at bay. i have too much on hand to do right now to be distracted.

發現真相...

2010-02-28T20:21:00.004+08:00

時光是琥珀淚一滴滴被反鎖
情書再不朽也磨成沙漏
青春的上游白雲飛走蒼狗與海鷗
閃過的念頭潺潺地流走

命運好幽默讓愛的人都沉默
一整個宇宙換一顆紅豆
回憶如困獸寂寞太久而漸漸溫柔
放開了拳頭反而更自由

慢動作繾綣膠卷
重播默片定格一瞬間
我們在告別的演唱會說好不再見

你寫給我我的第一首歌
你和我十指緊扣默寫前奏
可是那然後呢
還好我有我這一首情歌
輕輕地輕輕哼著哭著笑著
我的天長地久

命運好幽默讓愛的人都沉默
一整個宇宙換一顆紅豆
回憶如困獸寂寞太久而漸漸溫柔
放開了拳頭反而更自由

長鏡頭越拉越遠
越來越遠事隔好幾年
我們在懷念的演唱會
禮貌地吻別

你寫給我我的第一首歌
你和我十指緊扣默寫前奏
可是那然後呢
還好我有我這一首情歌
輕輕地輕輕哼著哭著笑著
我的天長地久

陪我唱歌清唱你的情歌
捨不得短短副歌心還熱著
也該告一段落
還好我有我下一首情歌
生命宛如靜靜的相擁的河
永遠天長地久

(:

2010-02-24T01:47:00.004+08:00

i like the way you smile. it's like, there's a sudden lighting up of your features as your eyes narrow into almost a thin line and you flashed your teeth (not in a grotesque way). and somehow seeing your smile would really brighten up my day and as i think about your smile i would feel cheerful! it's random but i just thought that i want to write it down. nice one there. :D

today 47 is exceptionally noisy! with XYPZ @ 47 publications of clement's quotes, snack night (of waffles and cheese prata with sausage!), public declaration of love by a certain Mr Foo, and watching edmund and jason running up and down the corridor and going to each other's rooms spamming love declarations on facebook and msn. so amusing and it reminds me of the good old noisy days of 47. (:

before that had odac photo taking! love the huat photos taken by chongyew even though the flash is sooo bright and it just came off without warning when we took the family photo. it looked exceptionally nice cuz it's done by a pro! heee. and my february buddy sucked cuz even though he bought chocolates for me he kept forgetting to bring it when we meet! :P

i'm having 204 quiz later at 4pm and i'm not done with my readings, and i still have a pierre bourdieu super long reading to tackle. pls save me. ):

简单的幸福

2010-02-19T16:55:00.003+08:00

didn't know about this until wanyee told me (think it's during brunch) after hs203 lecture ytd. and i didn't watch the video until at night when i'm back in my room after class (which ended at 630 with me playing fb games almost non-stop during the lecture cuz the prof didn't bother to prepare slides, and my tutor was sitting a few seats directly behind me. lols), dinner (at can13! ate bulgogi! :DD) and carrom training! (tio owned by kiatweng during one game. i just cant shoot properly!)

first reaction was that it's sooo sweet! and then 黑白配 just came into my mind ever since. felt so apt! (it's written by 范范 about their relationship after all!) bet they will play this song during their wedding!

and i'm in a jolly mood! went to town after school (with my bags and all) cuz i just have this urge to go over to far east plaza to see bags. but i only spend 20mins (including the walking time to there) cuz many shops were not open! walked over to isetan to buy some stuff and then crossed the road to the elevator to underpass at wheelock. went down to the underpass and i came across this bakery called Bread Society which at first look just reminds me of breadtalk. but the bread inside looked much more exquisite than those you will find in breadtalk! (upon googling i realised it's a subsidiary of breadtalk, goes to explain why there's the oh-so-familiar naan inside! so much for exquisite bakery!)anyway, the smell of bread was really nice in there and so the hungry me picked up a tray and a pair of tongs after walking one round in the shop! i seldom eat bread and it's been ages ever since i've last eaten bread (unless you count pizza). i felt kinda spoilt for choice with the bread available (bacon and mushroom pizza! custard brioche! blueberry toast!) but i ended up buying smoked chicken cheese (as seen above) and tokyo puff. paid and i realised they put the bread inside a paper bag which looks really nice!

as i buy the bread and listening to those sweet songs in my ipod, i thought to myself that 幸福就是可以这么简单. simple things like buying a nice (at least in terms of smell) piece of bread and enjoying it at home, or borrowing a book that i have finding for so long (which is Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child's Dance of Death) can inject happiness in me the same way i received gifts or eaten great food. simplicity does have its beauty after all.

and it was a feeling much welcomed cuz school has been making me depressed as i try to keep up with the numerous readings while making time for hall stuff. had a fair share of ups and downs as the days flew by. thank goodness there was cny break for me to recharge and meet up with old friends. went over to mr ng's house on tuesday and met up with my primary school mates! after that went to amk and met up with hpy. but the road ahead is rather tough as i need to make decisions about what i should get involved in during the summer holidays. from the looks of it if i take up all i will be busy to no end! :x anyway i shall delay the decision abit. :p

while i was on the train back home, received a message from clement which had made my day even better! though the theme was funny (it brought a smile to my face when he replied with his signature 'hello.' cuz i can totally imagine his expression and tone when he said that! ha), i do feel appreciated even though i didn't contribute much.

nonetheless, it's been a great day and i'm happily at home! but there's the damned quizzes next week (thank goodness the 203 take home exam is postponed to after recess week!), and i'm gonna miss Hall Olympiad closing cuz i have meeting! )):

neverminds. i shall go drink tea and eat my bread! :D

紅豆

2010-02-12T01:23:00.003+08:00

還沒好好的感受雪花綻放的氣候
我們一起顫抖會更明白甚麼是溫柔
還沒跟你牽著手走過荒蕪的沙丘
可能從此以後學會珍惜
天長和地久

有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有甚麼會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧願選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

還沒為你把紅豆熬成纏綿的傷口
然後一起分享會更明白相思的哀愁
還沒好好的感受醒著親吻的溫柔
可能在我左右你才追求
孤獨的自由

有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有甚麼會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧願選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

huat's that you say?

2010-02-06T23:42:00.006+08:00

had been mad busy for the past few weeks cuz i was the ic for odac huat year where the odac-ers come together and celebrate cny in advance! lotsa things had happened during the planning phase, which made me question myself again where exactly do my priorities lie (like i didn't go for BCLS today because of huat year), and have i become more matured in the way of thinking (eg knowing when to let go or not) as i hit the 21st year of my life. i'm supposed to be an adult, and matured in the way of thinking.

the conclusion i gave myself would that there's still room for improvement, and i need to prioritise better. and i should try to think in another's perspective, because sometimes i would fail to take into what/how others are thinking and just rely on my own instincts. so i should try to adjust myself!

i wrote in my msn that it's just a matter of choice, and someone asked me to choose between A, B or C. as i reflect on the commitments i'm currently, i told the person that it's probably more of A, B, C or D. with maybe even an E. i don't know if that means i'm overloading. was chatting with someone about timetables recently, and he couldn't believe that i have 16 hours of lessons for 19 AUs - apparently the number of AUs would be the number of hours of lessons you have.

still, i find myself rather lethargic and having stronger desire to go home. it has become my refuge after a sem totally mad about hall. i guess i had invested too much feelings into the hall. and as i walk back to hall today after huat year, i've eventually realised that it's not a matter of how much time i put in, it's the attitude i adopt when i'm with the different groups of people. if i'm with one group of people and keeps on yakking about another group's stuff, obviously this would have given a bad impression to the people. need to change this habit!

and yes i've donated my blood yesterday! very proud of myself. :D

有些人和事是要看時機的，一旦過了就再也回不到那段時光了。所以人們才說青春不要留白，因為錯過了能夠瘋狂的青春，你就不會有勇氣去瘋狂了。你可以說我裹足不前不敢面對，可是我就是累了不願再向前了。就在這裡打住，然後忘記，雖然說你比預期遲離開，而我也不敢問你甚麼時候會走，因為距離還是最好的選擇。

你說呢？

the truth

2010-01-27T01:59:00.002+08:00

我沒有說謊是愛情說謊
它帶你來騙我說渴望的有可能有希望
*
there were strong feelings, no doubt about it. if not i wouldn't be compulsed to avoid you, while feeling the pain from not talking to you when i have the opportunity to. maybe you have sensed me trying to steer away from you, or maybe you haven't noticed, just like how you didn't realised until recently that i've changed my phone. i wasn't around when you were around. and when we both meet, i would probably go away after a while. because i don't want to be too near to you for such a long period of time. my mind will go overdrive, and i wouldn't be myself again.

but like what 何言風 told 陳寶茱 in 海派甜心, avoiding you is just escaping from the problem. i should face you until eventually i would find myself indifferent to what you do, and with my emotions stable and unwavering. that's when i would have really put those feelings for you behind.

i don't know what's the status of my feelings for you right now, because i can get myself to avoid you rationally, but i can't stop the tears from falling emotionally. last week was crazy cuz that's the day which i've cried the most after so long. i told myself it was hormonal imbalance, and i needed time to adjust, but i guess it's because there's a part of me still unwilling to face the truth that was told to me a few weeks ago. but then again, since i'm willing to write this for the whole world to see, i guess i'm pretty at peace with some of my inner demons. irregardless whether you are around or not, i will do things the way i want it to be, and not do stupid things like what i've done in the past.

you treat me as a friend, no doubt about it. so it lies on me entirely to put everything behind, and put my life on track again. it's getting back very soon, so just give me more time. not that you would have sensed it anyway...

goodbye.

be strong

2010-01-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

笑忘歌

2010-01-16T17:34:00.003+08:00

屋頂的天空是我們的
放學後夕陽也都會是我們的
不會再仰慕更多了
唱一首屬於我們的歌
讓我們的傷都慢慢慢的癒合
明天我又會是全新的

青春是手牽手坐上了都不回頭的火車
總有一天我們都老了
不會遺憾就OK了

傷心的都忘記了只記得這首笑忘歌
那一年天空很高風很清澈
從頭到腳趾都快樂
我和你都約好了
要再唱這首笑忘歌
這一生只願只要平凡快樂
誰說這樣不偉大呢

自己和自己打一架了
想都想不通反正就是這樣了
不會再流淚更多了
有多少錯誤重蹈覆轍
有多少苦痛還不是都過來了
想起來甚至還會笑呢

青春是人生的實驗課錯也錯得很值得
就算某天唱起這首歌
眼眶會有一點濕了

傷心的都忘記了只記得這首笑忘歌
那一年天空很高風很清澈
從頭到腳趾都快樂
我和你都約好了
要再唱這首笑忘歌
這一生只願只要平凡快樂
誰說這樣不偉大呢

21

2010-01-12T17:01:00.000+08:00

5jan had came by and left many days ago, and i feel surreal being officially 21. many said i was the first to turn 21 amongst their friends, but seriously, i dun feel 21. i still feel insecure, i'm still unsure of how the world goes, and i still lack the confidence which i thought i should have by the time i'm 21. i still feel 18, or even 16.

being 21 do has its benefits, such as watching r21 (not that i really want) movies, going into the casinos (not that i really want to gamble), no need to get parents to sign indemnity forms, and the list goes on. but am i really ready to be responsible for myself now? am i truly free? not necessary. after all, parents will always regard their children as children because to them we will never grow up. 10 years down the road my mum would probably be fussing about whether i have my meals regularly.

on the other hand, being 21 means that i'm a year older, and i can't pretend to be young too much, even though i still look as though i'm a secondary, if not junior college, student. a few weeks ago, i showed gina a jacket which i liked, and she pointed out that after a few years i wouldn't be able to wear it, because it's kinda kiddy printed. as females, we would have to buy lesser loud t-shirts, and go for muted, basic tops so as to fit our age. i'm glad that i still have 3.5years in university, because it's probably the last few years which i can be crazy and have the best time of my life.

i still have some laments about being 21yearsold, but i guess i should stop now because life shouldn't be wasted dwelling on those stuff when i can do other things like reading books etc. Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child's Brimstone is worth reading, because i'm reading it any moment that i can. not to mention the readings i would need to start covering in order to improve on my gpa this sem.

school has started yesterday, and i went for my first lecture tired, even though it was a 1.30pm lecture. my body is still accustomed to just having fun everyday, thus i tuned out towards the end of the lecture as the lecturer gave her introductory lecture - it was just an overview but she just kept talking! zomg.

went for another lecture today. even though it's a topic that i'm kinda interested - Rise of The West, but after reading the course outlines and stuff i find that it's not suitable for me, and many people had said that i was crazy to have 23aus when the recommended aus for me is 18/19 aus. (i had 21aus last sem). thus i've dropped it, and have my tuesdays free! if only the 204 lecture (which is tmr) can be put on monday/thursday/friday, because i only have that lecture on my wednesdays! i foresee me ponning alot of sessions. lol. :x

it has been a great 2009, and hopefully i would have an even better 2010!

掉了

2010-01-10T01:44:00.002+08:00

心疼的玫瑰半夜還開著
找不到匆匆掉落的花蕊
回到現場卻已來不及
等待任何回音都不可得

微弱的風箏冬天裡飄著
回不去手中纏線的那個
沒有藍天又何必去飛怎麼適合

黑色笑靨掉了雪白眼淚掉了
該出現的所有表情瞬間掉了
瞳孔沒有顏色結了冰的長河
回憶是最可怕的敵人
故事情節掉了主角對白掉了
該屬於劇中的對角戲也掉了
胸口沒有快樂斷了翅的白鴿
不枯萎的藉口全掉了

曾經唱過的歌分享過的笑聲
在心中不斷拉扯
想念不能承認偷偷擦去淚痕
冬天過了還是會很冷

goodbye 2009!

2010-01-01T03:54:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 2010!

it had been a great 2009 with lotsa new changes and things that happened to my life. for example, working in a production company for 1 mth (march? to end april) and had the first hand feeling of being exploited in the working world. nonetheless, i had enjoyed the company (except for my bosses) during the period of my work, and i may consider going into that line of work after graduation.

next is getting my driving licence in may! but i haven't been driving ever since i've gotten into uni so my skills are kinda rusty. :P

next up is definitely about me entering university! sociology is actually kinda difficult to study if you hate to do readings. but to those engineers they think that it's easier cuz it's just reading and then smoke your way through during tutorials cuz it's mainly about discussion! lol. but actually i realised the first year stuff (sem 1 for now) are quite similar across the core modules, cuz i practically wrote the same theory for my 3 papers. though i didn't score very well for all my subjects (with hs101 the main disappointment), but i think judging from the fact that i didn't study for proper exams for like 1yr plus i think it's quite good already. onward to sem2 we go!

other than studies there's also the hall and cca life. hall9 has been a great hall, and i think even given a choice i would still choose to stay there, with or without the aircon. i like the fact that some of the rooms are facing each other, and it's nice to just shout over to each other to go for meals! (be it from lvl 5 to lvl3) i love walking over to other ppl's rooms and chitchat! feels very homely yeah. (: and i've made great friends in hall9, mainly from 47! ppl like gina mesy xueshen and many others! love the time i spend in hall with great company (:

then there's odac. i admit that i would spend more time in hall than odac, because i'm in hall most of the time, and odac dun have fixed meetings. but i still feel belonged in odac, even though i didn't go for some of the major events or any of the december trips. adsports have been great, with fun ppl inside! the recent trip to batu pahat (30-31dec) had been great cuz i've chatted more to the ppl whom i don't talk much during meetings and stuff. am looking forward to the upcoming events in sem2! (more stuff about batu pahat next time)

judging from my schedule i believe at the very least the first half of 2010 would be great, fun and fulfilling! it may be tiring, but i believe it's worth it. (:

may you have a great 2010 ahead!

tis the season to be jolly

2009-12-28T17:27:00.003+08:00

as usual, i had a wonderful christmas!

first off we have our xmas @ 47 on 23rd where plenty had turned up! lotsa good food (think the wonderful spaghetti cooked by shaggy's mum, meatballs by jieli, custard tarts by laoda and jiangchuan, chewy junior, honeydew sago by gina, pizzas etc!) and drinks flowed around, and we had like 5hours of fun! but before that had netball match which made me damn tired and i slept through the programmers' gathering and the preparation process of the party!

christmas eve was first spent in hall as we went to support snooker finals before going home for dinner! then on christmas day went to hweepeng's house to play! this time we dun draw out christmas tree from mahjong paper cuz we have a real tree! as usual we had our steamboat! (during the brainstorm process of the 47 party i suggested steamboat and everyone stared at me! but it's like, the weather is cold, so it's best to huddle around a hot steamboat and eat warm food!) then we played wii and raving rabbids is damn retarded!!! and cooking mama! then we played mahjong! woots. :D

on boxing day i nua-ed at home before going for zone meeting and after that went to suntec city to shop around abit! then off to home i go. had dinner and then went back to hall to play carrom and get ready for hockey the next day.

hockey was fun for the first game because we won, but the next game against hall 3 was a nightmare for me because 1) i tio whacked at my leg by a hockey stick in the first half and everyone asked about my shin guard and i said the wound was just above the shin guard. ohwells, and 2) i sprained my ankle in the second half and it's a bad sprain cuz it's still kinda swollen! ): when i woke up this morning i can barely move, thus i didn't go for BEAST recce and went to see doc. and as a result i've also missed out for carrom games cuz i told them i wouldn't be around for the games. but well, my skills are kinda cui so it's ok la.

this unexpected break had helped me fill my sleep quota cuz i haven't been sleeping enough these few days even though it seems like i'm quite free but i'm not. i thought i would be free to read my books after i'm done with my christmas gifts but apparently i'm not. ): probably because of my unexpected party too. judging from the guest list i'm quite dreading the small number that will turn up on that day. ): but at least my family will be there so i think wun be that bad yeah. but this means that i'm not gonna sleep on my bed at home until like the following week? cuz after the party on saturday i'm going back to hall for all the games and stuff. haiz.

less than 2 weeks to the end of hols. booooo.

2009-12-19T16:27:00.004+08:00

it has been a busy week with the start of IHG (Inter Hall Games) and IHRG (Inter Hall Recreational Games). i was practically all over the place, from NIE courts to SRC pool and the bball and tennis courts to Hall 8 function hall where all the recreational games (except snooker at Nanyang House) will be held at. anyway check out the number 11 in the picture. i think his hair is damnnn cool! :D

today was the first rest day where i get to wake up late (not really late at 10plus when i slept at 3plus) and there's only one match today. later gonna go out to jp to find presents for the 2 gift exchanges that i'm having next week. and i'm not going for the asjab chalet. ohwell.

someone commented that i have too many things on my plate, and i might tire myself out as i go for the matches and trainings. like on thursday i've walked from src to nie courts (which took me like 12 mins but if you look at the map they are actually kinda far away from each other) and i've went up to south spine via student walk (from hall after walking back from src) to pass the cumberbands to yongsiang. and that's on top of the other events that i'm missing out, like Adjam which i've wanted to go ever since i've heard about it. i wasn't chosen and i've ended up going for the bbq only. but come to think about it, i have managed to do other stuff like carrom training and supporting my hall ppl for the games. and the bbq was enough to make me feel rejuvenated and that i actually do have a life outside my hall. another person had said that i've sacrificed too much of my time for hall.

but well, i only have one life, so might as well do what i really want! follow where my heart goes. and enjoy the last 2 weeks of holidays before school starts! not to mention christmas next week! (:

tired!

2009-12-16T00:57:00.003+08:00

i'm like sleeping early these days (ie around 1am) because of IHG! ytd was the first day and i'm already quite tired. lol! ytd morning had netball match, and then went back to hall and enjoyed the free aircon! after that went for lunch with gina before going back to my room and took a nap (with my contacts on)! then went to src to watch water polo guys with yuenyin and gina but we were late! only watched for like 10mins. lol. :x but we won! (for both netball and waterpolo) :D

went down to play carrom with peizhi and we played 3 games in like 1.5hrs (which is DAMN LONG!) lol. was damn funny as we play cuz funny things would happen, and clement foo kept suan-ing me la!!!! TSKKKK. then everyone in the games room went out for dinner but i waited for gina to come down. joined them (gina desmond stacy yuenyin vanessa hansel yuwen). damn sinful cuz i ate western food twice! (ok la dinner was jap. lol) saw FOOT ppl and chatted with them! haha. (:

after dinner went back to games room to play carrom! but i ended up watching gina and kiatweng play darts before i went out to help ziai to decorate the sports ihg board. after a while i went in to continue watching gina compete with clement. after that played carrom with clement. then went up to meeting room for ktv session with kiatweng sinyee melvin! was damn ups! gonna sleep soon cuz need to wake up early again!

我假裝無所謂
才看不到心被擰碎

immuned?

2009-12-13T23:54:00.004+08:00

i've ignored, or you can say avoided, them for the past few days. just now when i was looking through some archives i saw one of the links, and i decided to click it. i read through, and when i saw a crucial part, there was only a teeny weeny bit of..'hmmm'. i realised it doesn't matter to me anymore. whatever or however things had turned out, i don't care anymore.

home had been great for the past couple of days, except that i forgot to bring the charger back. i nearly wanted not to go back hall tomorrow morning (and skip netball training again) when i received a msg from wilmond saying that kayak meeting is cancelled. that's how much i did not want to go back to hall. but my skills are bad, the first netball match is on tuesday, and there's things i need to sort out back in hall, so i guess i should just go back hall early in the morning and go for the netball training as planned. i just need to get used to having more people in hall again.

moral hazard

2009-12-10T15:38:00.005+08:00

shiyun had cautioned me not to do it when i told her about it. she said i would become a moral hazard if i do so. and she was right. so many problems had sprang up along the way, and in my haste to confirm everything, i just kept screwing everyone up. it wasn't intentional, i was just trying to fix a meeting where everyone can make it cuz i do believe meeting would be more useful than emailing each other. and with the deadline looming near, a meeting where everyone gets to thrash out their views would be more efficient. i think i forgot all the crap stuff that i've endured in the past.

and you know what, it really sickens me. especially on top of the other stuff i have to do. which also make me a moral hazard cuz i'm putting more than what i can handle on my plate. for starters i will stop interfering too much into things that don't relate to me at all. it also tears me trying to make many decisions all the time, and it would make me wanna hide in my ostrich hole again.

2009-12-06T04:15:00.003+08:00

通常大多數的人，都會知道自己在做甚麼，不過只有極少數的人，除了知道自己在做甚麼之外，還會去想想看，有沒有更好的方式跟辦法，可以讓自己做得更好。一思不夠，那就再思。

～韓文耀

말도 없이 (Without Words)

2009-12-04T02:49:00.001+08:00

하지말걸 그랬어 모른척 해버릴걸
안보이는 것처럼 볼수없는 것처럼
널 아예 보지말걸 그랬나봐

도망칠걸 그랬어 못들은척 그럴걸
듣지도 못하는 척 들을 수 없는 것처럼 아예
네 사랑 듣지 않을 걸

말도없이 사랑을 알게 하고 말도 없이 사랑을 내게 주고
숨결 하나조차 널 담게 해놓고 이렇게 도망가니까
말도없이 사랑이 나를떠나 말도없이 사랑이 나를 버려
무슨 말을 할지 다문 입이 혼자서 놀란것 같아
말도 없이 와서

왜 이렇게 아픈지 왜 자꾸만 아픈지
널 볼 수 없다는거 네가 없다는거 말고
모두 예전과 똑같은건데

말도없이 사랑을 알게 하고 말도없이 사랑을 내게주고
숨결 하나조차 널 담게 해놓고 이렇게 도망가니까
말도없이 사랑이 나를떠나 말도없이 사랑이 나를 버려
무슨 말을 할지 다문 입이 혼자서 놀란것 같아
말도없이 눈물이 흘러내려 말도없이 가슴이 무너져가

말도없는 사랑을 기다리고 말도없는 사랑을 아파하고
넋이 나가버려 바보가 되버려 하늘만 보고 우니까
말도없이 이별이 나를 찾아 말도없이 이별이 내게와서

준비도 못하고 너를 보내야하는 내맘이 놀란것 같아
말도없이 와서

말도없이 왔다가 말도없이 떠나는
지나간 열병처럼 잠시 아프면 되나봐 자꾸 흉터만 남게되니까

2009-12-03T05:30:00.001+08:00

為甚麼當我想放棄的時候，我總是無法如願以償呢？

Mad World

2009-11-30T15:42:00.005+08:00

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very, very
Mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world

*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xKPk5RvcU4
(embed are disabled so yeah. watch the top8 version instead of the top2 cuz i just find it nicer)

*
watched the video after i woke up. i was watching Adam Lambert's American Music Awards performance (because i finally decided to read the news abt his racy performance) before i wiki-ed him and then go search for his American Idol videos. this is the song (Mad World by Gary Jules, originally by Tears for Fears) that totally blew me away. i love the haunted-feel arrangement at the beginning! no wonder simon cowell gave him a standing ovation.

less than 24 hours to the end of the paper, and about 17 hours to start of the paper! and i haven't complete my readings. holy cow. but bobian, i need to vent out cuz i just have the urge to type on my keyboard. lol. yes i know i'm going bonkers. especially after last night when i practically got the shock of my life.

and then there's _____. darn it. my thoughts and emotions are all tangled up now. can't wait for the escapades after tomorrow.

眼淚笑了

2009-11-28T16:36:00.003+08:00

比想像中更痛你真的沒回頭
我命令眼淚不許失控
回憶不跟你走都擠在我心中
我就有責任讓它值得被珍重

謝謝你曾讓我難過謝謝我沒有想太多
當愛情左盼右顧的時候

我眼淚都笑了誰還想哭呢
再勇敢地站著找回光和熱
面對你的時候我不會捨不得
因為你已是過客因為路有些曲折
是美的

心碎成了沙漠就快開鑿綠洲
我沒有時間不知所措
你溫柔的雙手本就不屬於我
又何必在乎它以後屬於誰呢

我眼淚都笑了誰還會哭呢
來不及完美的就唱首離歌
想起你的時候我不是卑微的
反而我沒有遺憾因為我已愛過你
深深的
*
或許我並沒有想像中的那麼喜歡，又或者因為他現在不在我周圍的關係。
現在的我並沒有想像中的難過。
即使我知道現在的他，可能在做一個會影響到我的決定。

一切的情緒，就等到他回來的時候才去整理吧。
到了那個時候，我也考完了，也能好好想想有關他的事了。

touched. (:

2009-11-26T22:44:00.006+08:00

My body is telllling me im reaching my 30s.... says:
and dun feel he is avoiding u, haha. wat if he isnt? then it makes u accusing him wo.. hahhaa.. be norm and be straight to him, like to be with him, then just spend time with him, no need think so much. haha. can means can, canont, u two make out at the end u will also marry off with other guys..
if u cry n feel awacked (*duno how to spell)..while he feels ok, then become he might think u are the weird one to make distances...
then jalat
haha
so nvm him, be it he avoiding or he is not
u be urself
hahha
HAPPY!
tts how u view. then everything is clearer and u know wat u shall do next =)
haha, might be sad, u might be a girl, but wat im telling u is all human shall do
see things +vely, and if ppl say dun think so much, IS BLUFF WAN. confirm will think wan
hahhahaa
so instead of not thinking
go continue n think of it, y not, but view it naturally n +vely..
and u will see wider things
*
woo. i have fantastic seniors in hall! it was words like this that have helped me up along the way. (: and also thanks to fangyi who listened to me one late night when she is having a paper like in less than 48hrs!

i'm not completely fine yet, but i reckon i can survive. as in, i'm learning to deal with the issue by trying to be non-chalant as possible, while at the same time try to engage myself more in his life, such that i might be able to go back to the times when we can chat alot. thus i'm not giving up as yet, gonna just remain as a good friend! i'm giving myself a few more months before he would be like out of sight for a couple of months. in the meantime i will also try not to emo!

and i shouldn't, cuz christmas is in less than a mth's time! (:

anyways, left with one more paper! gonna nua until like maybe sat or sun before i will sit down proper and chiong for my last paper on tuesday! after that it would be gatherings, movies, k-ing sessions, trainings and adjam! (: but right now i need to figure out what i shld do when most of my girlfriends are not in hall! ):

nothing's gonna change my love for you

2009-11-22T20:47:00.004+08:00

it's a song that keeps playing in my mind now. i love the way how the saxophonists played the piece. or maybe it's because i was captivated by the saxophone melody when i first heard it from someone. yesterday he played the all the way until chorus!

student tan said things would probably change a few weeks later and you know what, he may be right. but i'm afraid to admit it because to a certain extent i'm still unwilling to let go.

ohwells

2009-11-20T01:39:00.002+08:00

they all could have been better. why am i so negligent in details like those? i'm seriously demoralised after all that stuff. why can't i be better?

i'm really losing faith. if he can tease me so blatantly about it, i guess it's really nothing if not there would have been something right? sigh. if only there's a Ctrl-Z in my life i think i would have clicked that button for many times. ):

funtastic

2009-11-17T13:53:00.004+08:00

gosh i can't resist blogging~ and i have been using funtastic and ~ lately. hahaha. FUNTASTIC! everyone thinks i'm too stressed cuz i have this irritating and bigass pimple above my upper lip (when i stuck nexcare pimple patch on it desmond had wondered how come my pimple is so nicely rounded! lol) which wilmond felt like poking it, and i seem to be damn high all the time.

ytd because of shakespearean play act 5 scene 8 i was outside coughing along with xinying peizhi laoda! haha damn funny. then after that i carried my camera around to take photos of jasper foo's posters! i think he'll kill me for posting the photo up if he finds my blog but i have nothing to worry cuz he wun find! wahhaha. so funtastic la, he celebrated his birthday twice! though i dunno what happened to him in the wee hours of this morning. :D

his retarded photo! was all over the place - reading room's door, the door to meeting room, the two main pillars of linkbridge, my level's girl toilet's door, 2 walls on my level, junfeng's room door and many many more! hahahaha. :D (fyi clement is his younger bro but it's not written by him)

oh did i mention we had a funtastic combined birthday celebration last wednesday! for yuenyin clement (they share the same birthday on 14th!) jasper (17th) huiee (16th). it was a major scam as we scammed jasper (the main highlight of the show) and huiee (clement kinda guessed it and yuenyin was totally kept in the dark)! and we had 3 cameras to video everything down! 1 webcam, 1 video cam and 1 normal cam! i watched the videos in the wee hours of friday morning and i ended up not being able to go for breakfast with changtai cuz i slept! ):

gonna mug like mad now. yes i'm a damn procrastinator. desmond was like so annoyed/pissed when i told him i wanna go for asjab's campfire this friday. lormee said he will smack me. :x i'm still undecided. but for sure i'm going home cuz i wanna get a new laptop! it died on me on sunday morning at 3.30am. and i ended up making a trip home just to take the enclosure for my hdd. ): now i'm using van's spare laptop!

and i need to change my sleeping habits. last thursday i didn't sleep (ok la 45 mins which was the crucial time. zzz), friday i think i slept at like 4plus, saturday 7am (which is sunday actually), sunday 5plus, and ytd i went back to my room (my roommate sleeping so i went over to jason's room to study) at 6. and i saw one of my level's resident in proper attire setting out at that time! i think he's gonna queue at leeweenam library. ownage mans. :x thankfully my first paper starts at 5 though. haha. :x

your mere presence unsettles me, and i don't know how exactly should i behave around you. the barrier seems to be diminishing, but i know it's still there. i don't know if i'm expecting anything. maybe i do, but i'm not sure if that's what i really want. but then again, it is impossible for anything to happen, right?

說謊

2009-11-11T20:57:00.004+08:00

是有過幾個不錯對象

說起來並不寂寞孤單

可能我浪蕩讓人家不安

才會結果都陣亡

我沒有什麼陰影魔障

你千萬不要放在心上

我又不脆弱何況那算什麼傷

反正愛情不就都這樣

我沒有說謊我何必說謊

你懂我的我對你從來就不會假裝

我哪有說謊請別以為你有多難忘

消失真的不是我逞強

我好久沒來這間餐廳

沒想到已經換了裝潢

角落那窗口聞得到玫瑰花香

被你一說是有些印象

我沒有說謊我何必說謊

你知道的我缺點之一就是很健忘

我哪有說謊是很感謝今晚的相伴

但我竟然有些不習慣

我沒有說謊我何必說謊

愛一個人沒愛到難道會怎麼樣

別說我說謊人生已經如此的艱難

有些事情就不要拆穿

我沒有說謊是愛情說謊

它帶你來騙我說渴望的有可能有希望

我沒有說謊祝妳做個幸福的新娘

我的心事請你就遺忘

untitled again

2009-11-08T23:14:00.004+08:00

a short entry before i start my preparation for tomorrow's french oral! i'm crossing my fingers about how much i can memorise! :x

was in some sort of transition mood last week as i rushed out my hs103 essay and start and finish my hw101 assignment 3 (which is also an essay). there were perks along the way, such as the packing of exam goodie bags along with biz mag ppl on monday which was fun! me changtai and huiee were singing along to some of the songs playing on changtai's laptop!

then there's block supper on wednesday which i think went quite well, though we wasted quite much milo in the end. ): and also the overnight mahjong session on tuesday night. was fun and it was practically an oldies songs session because junwen have alot of oldies! and his fridge is epic. :D

then there's dinner with huihui zhenyew chilong xingzhi on thursday and seriously the guys are as funny as before. :D celebrated xueshen's birthday at 12am on friday and a lot of ppl turned up! nice. also celebrated eirene's birthday and i met up with hweepeng! and i went home, and found home to be a sinful place because i kept watching tv. the lure of starhub cable tv was too strong. lol.

but there's also suay things like me falling down on friday morning because i kinda twisted my ankle which made my legs go kinda weak and then my knees touched the road and got scraped in the process. and it was exactly 5 months ago (6 june) when the same thing happened to me. damn suay! and i went to pick up my phone straight after lecture (cuz ended early) and the person told me my phone is beyond repair. ): now i hafta wait till december before i can update my plan or something. :x

other than that...i suppose they are all pretty fine. exams are coming soon so i shall not dwell on them until after exams!

暖星

2009-11-03T20:24:00.002+08:00

城市里小星星

稀疏的亮晶晶

太多光吃掉它们的身影

就像我爱上你

隐没在灯海里

你眼中只看繁华的夜景

我的爱藏在你的背影里

想要笑着坚定的恒心

天黑的时候我远远陪着你

再小的闪烁也努力放光明

当有天我在夜空里面偶尔被发现

希望我眨眼能感动你视线

想把小星星排成爱的图形

为你的天空点缀一些惊奇

即使像流星一闪而过寂寞也情愿

不求你看见只想为你发光永远

命裡有時終需有，命裡無時莫強求

2009-11-03T03:46:00.002+08:00

有个年轻美丽的女孩，出身豪门，家产丰厚，又多才多艺，日子过得很好。

媒婆也快把她的家的门槛给踩烂了，但她一直不想结婚，因为她觉得还没见到她真正想要嫁的男孩。

直到有一天，她去一个庙会散心，于万千拥挤的人群中，看见了一个年轻的男人，不用多说什么，反正女孩觉得那个男人就是她苦苦等候的结果了。

可惜，庙会太挤了，她无法走到那个男人的身边，就这样眼睁睁的看着那个男人消失在人群中。

后来的两年里，女孩四处去寻找那个男人，但这个人就像人间蒸发一样，无影无踪。

女孩每天都向佛祖祈祷，希望能再见到那个男人。

她的诚心打动了佛祖，佛祖显灵了。

佛祖说：“你想再看到那个男人吗？”

女孩说：“是的！我只想再看他一眼！”

佛祖：“你要放弃你现在的一切，包括爱你的家人和幸福的生活。”

女孩：“我能放弃！”

佛祖：“你还必须修炼五百年道行，才能见他一面。你不后悔么？”

女孩：“我不后悔！”

女孩变成了一块大石头，躺在荒郊野外，四百年的风吹日晒，苦不堪言，但女孩都觉得没什么，难受的是这四百多年来都没看到一个人，看不见一点点希望，这让她都快崩溃了。

最后一年，一个采石队来了，看中了她的巨大，把她凿成一块巨大的条石，运进城里，他们正在建一座石桥，于是，女孩变成了石桥的护栏。

就在石桥建成的第一天，女孩就看见了，那个她等了五百年的男人！

他行色匆匆，像是有什么急事，很快地从石桥的正中走过了，当然，他不会发觉有一块石头正目不转睛地望着他。

男人又一次消失了，再次出现的是佛祖。

佛祖：“你满意了吗？”

女孩：“不！为什么？为什么我只是桥的护栏？如果我被铺在桥的正中，我就能碰到他了，我就能摸他一下！”

佛祖：“你想摸他一下？那你还得修炼五百年！”

女孩：“我愿意！”

佛祖：“你吃了这么多苦，不后悔？”

女孩：“不后悔！”

女孩变成了一棵大树，立在一条人来人往的官道上。这里每天都有很多人经过，女孩每天都在近处观望，但这更难受。因为无数次满怀希望的看见一个人走来，又无数次希望破灭。

不是有前五百年的修炼，相信女孩早就崩溃了！

日子一天天的过去，女孩的心逐渐平静了。她知道，不到最后一天，他是不会出现的。

又是一个五百年啊！最后一天，女孩知道他会来了，但她的心中竟然不再激动。

来了！他来了！他还是穿着他最喜欢的白色长衫，脸还是那么俊美，女孩痴痴地望着他。

这一次，他没急匆匆的走过。因为，天太热了。

他注意到路边有一棵大树，那浓密的树荫很诱人。休息一下吧，他这样想。

他走到大树下，靠着树根，微微的闭上了双眼，他睡着了。

女孩摸到他了！他就靠在她的身边！

但是，她无法告诉他，这千年的相思。她只有尽力把树荫蓬起来，帮他挡住毒辣的阳光。

千年的柔情啊！

男人只是小睡了一刻，因为他还有事要办。他站起身来，拍拍长衫上的灰尘，在动身的前一刻，他抬头看了看这棵大树，又微微地抚摸了一下树干，大概是为了感谢大树为他带来的清凉吧。

然后，他头也不回地走了！就在他消失在她的视线的那一刻，佛祖又出现了。

佛祖：“你是不是还想做他的妻子？那你还得修炼。。。”

女孩平静地打断了佛祖的话：“我是很想，但是不必了。”

佛祖：“哦？”

女孩：“这样已经很好了，爱他，并不是一定要做他的妻子。”

佛祖：“哦！”

女孩：“他现在的妻子也像我这样受过苦吗？”

佛祖微微地点点头。

女孩微微一笑：“我也能做到的，但是不必了。”

就在这一刻，女孩发现佛祖微微地叹了一口气，或者是说，佛祖轻轻地松了一口气。

女孩有几分讶异，“佛祖也有心事么？”

佛祖的脸上绽开了一个笑容：”因为这样很好，有个男孩可以少等一千年了。他为了能够看你一眼，已经修炼了两千年。”

rainy

2009-10-31T21:31:00.002+08:00

it's rainy and cold nights like now in hall that make you wish there's someone whom you can snuggle against. for now i guess i'll settle for blanket and slower fan speed. and the numerous books that i've borrowed to tackle the bloody essay.

thankful

2009-10-31T02:22:00.003+08:00

went for adsports's huat steamboat in hall12! very ups, except that it should have been at hall16's rooftop if karen the rain queen didn't project her formidable rain power. lol. but it was a fun event nonetheless! small and cosy! i got soooooo full from eating so much noodles. and i suddenly developed a HUGE liking for coke.

went back to hall at 10plus, and helped mesy in sorting out some bizmag stuff. then joined the old people (junfeng jieli alwyn barry huiwen hanming) and mesy theresa clement at the canteen chilling out as they ate pizzas and me coke! uber ups. now the unfinished can of coke is in my fridge just in case i need it!

then just now was lamenting to mesy and clement about how quiet our blk was, then like 1 hour later it's bursting with life as the guys (shianyang jason xianwei darren poohee sont edmund desmond) started popping up. the girls were just me mesy priscilla! now the girls are asleep so i guess that leaves me!

i really heart 47 (esp level3)! i feel that i've made really good friends here whom i can find to talk to in the middle of the night (provided they haven't sleep!). and adsports! heart the huaters! i'm really thankful that i have these bunch of people, otherwise ntu will be so boring! after all, i'm an anti-social person in soci! hoho.

i personally feel that i've went through quite much emotional turmoil this week as i tried to figure out stuffs. eventually i feel that i shld be more non-chalant towards the whole thing. i guess it will take a long time but i shld be able to manage just fine. for now it's just the damned essays and exams!

巧合

2009-10-26T02:58:00.004+08:00

是巧合让我知道那几件事，然后把它们串联起来吗？

或许吧。

明明就已经明白我是个局外人，我却硬是要挤进不属于我的世界里。

也许冥冥中我就是注定要知道，好让我真的死心，真的把那堆感情全抛开。

都发生了这么多事，若我真的再不离开的话，后果真的应该会不堪设想吧。

但这是不是代表，我是喜欢你，而不是单纯的只是莫名异样的情绪呢？

就算如此，我也已经无法回头了。

早在我决定开口说出那些话的时候，我就已经有了某种程度的心理准备。

友谊，是我的防护墙。

防护我自己继续坠落下去。

可是我似乎还是忍不住要冲开防护墙啊。

没关系，过了今晚，我会乖乖的躲在那道墙后面，

安安分分的扮着朋友的角色。

我总是在怪那接二连三的意外，但我也明白，

要是我自己能多理性些，之后的事应该都不会发生，

我也不会在这个时候写下这一篇心情了。

如果有天你发现了这篇文章，请你一定要相信，

我已经放下了那些我不该有的。

面对你的，是最纯粹的我。

human race 2009!

2009-10-24T23:33:00.001+08:00

my second race! and the first race which i ran for almost the whole of 10k! and i ended up with wobbly legs and an area on my left knee which ached like mad throughout the run. think my left knee gonna cui soon, cuz xinying said i'm having runner's knee. ):

before the race was nua-ing in yihao's room after odac bbq (which i didn't go. zzz) with phy claire eirene alvin jac ella kerhan jingchu. played funny games like minimizer and huat 99. i was totally distracted by kerhan's wii because he has raving rabbids! uber retarded. :D went back to hall at 3plus after sending eirene to hall8 to pick up my handphone charger. disturbed wilmond with phy saying wilmond's name in a funny tone outside his room and we ran away. wilmond thought it was xueshen who did it, because when we went back to the stretch of rooms wilmond was going into xueshen's room. turned out that xueshen and phy used to be project partners! hah. and xueshen + jason were singing high school musical songs in xueshen's room. LOL.

just as i was feeling lucky from not tio-ing any tequila pop, i lost in a game of raving rabbids and i drank a uber strong tequila mixer. my stomach felt like burning and i started feeling dizzy. yihao suggested to go out for a walk to clear my head, as well as accompany jac back to her hall. and so we did. but i was feeling so dizzy that yihao hafta like kinda hold me so that i wouldn't bang into any pillars along the way. cui-ed. and that was abt 4am in the morning.

after going back went to nua on the bed and napped abit. thankfully the dizziness went away when i woke up at 5plus and we got ready to go! cabbed to singapore flyer with claire ella jingchu. met alot of odac-ers and hall9ers!

the run was okay, and the scenery was not bad. i was quite satisfied with myself for not stopping so much throughout the run. :D but i was damn nua on my way back to hall with ella.

now gonna go pack my stuff and then go home! yay.

i'm struggling with my emotions, but i'm sure i will be able to control them eventually.

1253hrs

*edited:

Runner's knee

Definition: A softening or wearing away and cracking of the cartilage under the kneecap, resulting in pain and inflammation. The cartilage becomes like sandpaper because the kneecap is not riding smoothly over the knee.

Symptoms:
Pain beneath or on the sides of the kneecap crepitus (grinding noise), as the rough cartilage rubs against cartilage when the knee is flexed.
Pain is most severe after hill running
Swelling of the knee

Causes:
overpronation (feet rotate too far inward on impact) - can cause the kneecap to twist sideways fatigued or weak quadriceps muscle. The quadriceps muscle assists in the proper tracking of the kneecap.
Weakness, especially of the inside part of the quadriceps, can prevent the kneecap from tracking smoothly muscle imbalance - between weak quadricepsand tight hamstring and iliotibial band (ITB)
Muscles can also affect proper tracking hill running (especially down hills) and running on cambered surfaces
Incorrect or worn shoes
Overtraining

(from http://www.time-to-run.com/injuries/thebig5/runnersknee.htm)

ohmyKNEE.

my left knee had felt fine when i made my way to amk to get some stuff (and met yuzheng adi shingyi arthur. it was fun chatting with those guys as they tried to be lame and stuff. haha. they mentioned seeing qingliang arnd the area but too bad i didnt see him) and then home. but somehow now my knee is aching like mad. there is pain also at the bottom left side (initially was just at top right) pain pain. ):

in the website it also mentioned to stop running as self-treatment. does that mean i can't go for training this coming week? i wanna go hockey netball softball training! )))):

oh yes my parents bought SOOOOOOOOOOOO many masks from thefaceshop in korea that i can use until 2011 (or even 2012) if i use the masks once per week. and that's on top of the washoff masks i've asked them to get for me from skinfood. and then there's the skincare products from skinfood! wooo i have more than enough cleansers until next year! :D

LAAAA

2009-10-22T17:08:00.003+08:00

i'm in the midst of writing my hs101 project part 2 essay, and i have around 100+++ words to play around with. and i told gina and rain that i felt that my essay ain't an academic essay. it felt more like a personal essay because i'm writing in the first person's voice. after all, i'm writing about two events which influenced me greatly and shaped me as who i am today. but still.

this week had been a happening week, with monday walking around the tampines bike trail in the morning and then to ikea for lunch (MEATBALLS!) with adsporters, and then going back to hall with gina stacy desmond. the train ride was really damnnnn long. i finished my book along the way! lol. then nua-ed in hall doing halloween deco and chatting. after that it was cooking crabs session in 48 pantry! (with jieli junfeng ziai xinying desmond gina) damn cool and shiok! i love the chilli crab! that night went to jason's room with mesy and xueshen to do tutorials + gossiping and i ended up sleeping there. went back to my room at 4,5plus. :P

then tuesday was the highlight of the week! went out with fangyi waiching jiaqing for dinner in orchard and we walked aimlessly arnd, chatted and took photos! it's been sooooo long since i met up with them! then rushed back to hall for kayak expedition meeting which i was terribly late for. it took me quite a while before i can settle down and do my readings for like 20 minutes before it was time to celebrate wilmond (wednesday) and xingyi (hers is today!) 's birthdays!

as wilmond is a damn high profile dude, and xingyi is the gl for bagos, many ppl turned up! (even more ppl than stacy's birthday celebration) the guys had fun tormenting wilmond with jelly and macs curry sauce thanks to stacy's implementation. and also candlewax and clothespeg and the pillar! :D and we had fun watching! hoho.

ate cake and then it's take photo session! we had soo many ppl that we had to split up into 2 groups to take together. hehe. after that roamed around again, but i slept early! (3plus!) and i woke up before 11 on wednesday. i think i got influenced by xueshen's ponning habit (he ponned all the lectures on tuesday when jason at least attended 2!), because i ponned the whole day! haha. said i was doing my essay and it's true to a certain extent, though i kept dozing off at my table. lol. netball training was at 6 and it was quite shiok running around, because i didn't run as planned on monday and tuesday!

after training went for the ktv session in reading room! was damn fun! had fun screaming our hearts out with changtai (he's 呐喊 type of singer)! but my voice is still damn cui. kiatweng said he's looking forward to hearing me when my voice recovers, and i told him probably after holidays because i need proper rest. ha. sang until 11.40pm when it's supposed to end at 11. after showering went walking arnd aimlessly cuz i have a terrible headache and panadol is taking veryyyy long to take effect. and i ended up in jason's room again doing tutorials with mesy and xueshen. we laughed when i went into the room.

for a while listened to sont playing his harmonica with jason playing recorder and poohee playing his electric guitar. they are so hilarious! and jason knows how to play quite a number of instruments! (guitar, recorder - he can play suteki da ne!, saxophone) then continued crapping and gossiped in jason's room. went to sleep at 3plus!

exams are starting in exactly 4 weeks' time! ohmann. but at least 6 weeks later i'll be free! :D can't wait for all the fun activities in december! :DD

<3 hall 9

2009-10-18T02:21:00.002+08:00

this goes to show how wonderful hall culture is. a simple comment on the cute dog (top left corner) has sparked off some sort of stir-shitting! like seriously omg ok. and the comments didn't end there. (there's 16 in total) while i shake head at the guys' stir-shitting, i was also laughing with my friend at how they manage to stir shit. at least i was nice and didn't say online that it was my friend who told me to see the dp. cuz if i do, she would be the one who kena. and i told her before i would only stir abt her by myself.

anyway today went out to civilisation! YAY. after brunch in crystal jade went to town! searched for carrom seeds/strikers, but my parents ended up buying a new carrom board with seeds and a striker! though the striker looked kinda dubious but it's nice to have a new board when my intention was to only get the seeds and striker. lol. so gonna play with my younger bro tomorrow! and with my dad when he comes back from korea. he said he used to play damn well!

then i bought books! YAY again! bought 穹风's latest book, and my favourite cecelia ahern's book, Where Rainbows End. i find that book uberly sweet (but not twilight-icky sweet), probably because of the love between alex and rosie that withstood like what, forty plus years before they find got together?! that's truly amazing, considering we live in such a fast-food-love kind of world.

then i started my aimless walk around marina square, citylink and suntec as i waited for the rest (gina stacy desmond) to meet me in marina square to go over to singapore flyer to collect the Nike human race race pack. i waited for 1.5hours before they finally appeared! (apparently after they left botanical gardens they went to have lunch) but at least i was entertained with boris akunin's latest book. and sitting at the outer section of macs under the shade with the slightly hot breeze was niceeeeeee. i shld have sat down earlier! i probably would have been able to finish The Shakespeare Secret.

then finally the 3 of them + yuto joined me! went to collect race pack and saw xueshen (zone8) and stanley on duty! woo. chatted with them a bit before the 5 of us (yuto left and xiaohuan joined us) went back to marina square to do some shopping! ended up at suntec for dinner at MOF plus shopping at topman! I LOVE THE MACHA ICE-CREAM I TELL YOU! uber love. and i saw a woodstock long tee in num! ohmann.

funny thing that i dun panick for my hs101 essay as much as i've panicked for hs102 essay. because the word limit is lesser? hmmm. anyways i shall work on it later in the day, provided i dun get distracted by my laptop. which i think is possible, considering 超级星光大道 has ended and i'm done watching. but i have my booksss! :D

i want to sleep, but i feel that i shld finish editing the hw101 essay which my buddy had done up wayyyy beforehand! i feel guilty for just following his ideas. LOL. but at least i can concentrate on my hs101 essay in the upcoming week! cuz after all there's halloween deco to do along with kayaking expedition and programmers meetings (yes i'm a programmer for hall foc! gonna shoot everyone with my super soaker! HEHSSSSS), meetup with asjabers, netball boggle carrom trainings and not to mention the tutorials. ohdearrrr. but life is good with hall9ers! and odac-ians! gonna have odac bbq next friday! COLOURFUL TOURISTS! such a random and retarded theme. HOHO.

心　該怎麼學會去適應

那些沒你的安靜

我也想小心收起所有回憶

卻總是不小心　不斷的翻起

該放手了

2009-10-16T15:38:00.003+08:00

既然話都已經說出口，我就無法反悔了．

ARGH

2009-10-14T20:18:00.003+08:00

i had broken down, i had talked to people and i had stoned during classes, so it's only right that i should start recovering. so i should perhaps delete that link away, and let my eyes focus on my books. i think i had made some improvements ever since monday, though i had taken a few steps back with i've done previously. but well, it's better than nothing isn't it.

though it was pretty depressing, but i've gained something along the way because i've learned about new stuff about some of the people whom i've talked to. it's comforting to know that i'm not the only one having problems with certain issues, and that there are people out there who really cares for my well-being. though you all would not see it, thanks for all the words. i dun fall down easily, but when i do i would stand up pretty fast and continue walking. i guess i'm too used to hiding my truest emotion behind the grins and the violent actions.

i've promised myself i will get over it, and i will. 5 more weeks to exams and i don't want to jeopardize my studies. hs101 midterms are depressing enough.

街挤满了微笑

太不适合眼泪凑热闹

快跑快寻找无人的转角

不优雅时候一个人就好

爱说退就退潮

我松开手回忆却没放掉

未来不来了地球继续绕

躲回温暖的梦我一个人就好

为什么越相信谁能依靠

越换来又一次灵魂寂寥

有没有永远再不会让心绝望的解药

如果说越踏出世界一脚

越不能保留住天真微笑

那从今以后我一个人过就很好

心很平静的跳

只是寂寞潜伏像海啸

突然某一秒偷袭我眼角

眼泪自己擦掉我一个人很好

escape

2009-10-10T17:24:00.003+08:00

finally went out cycling around yishun after so long. my bike's wheels were surprisingly still filled with air even though i haven't used it for like months! my dad probably had changed the tires because previously i remembered my bike's back tire gets flat easily. but for the strangest reason my bike gets super noisy when i pedalled. ohwell.

went to the library and entered the civilisation like what lormee (jeremy tay) said. was complaining to him about my lack of inspiration to write the hs102 essay that's due next week and he said i should get back to civilisation from pulau ntu. after all, the only places which i've been to for the past few weeks (other than malaysia) were ntu and my home. i could have gone out with hweepeng rosalind cheryl on thursday but there's hall supper. not that i'm complaining about hall supper because it had been terrific! everybody loves singing!

had tremendous fun sabo-ing ppl up for don't forget the lyrics, singing along with them (and thus they guessed the lyrics) and choosing the songs for them! (too bad sont didn't choose Superwoman. we nearly got desmond up to sing Superwoman because he's one of the best singers in hall9 and it's so his type of songs (we had a marvellous singing session on tuesday with changtai and xiaohuan! love that night!) and i managed to sabo the loner lam bhan! wanted to hear his singing after he told me he was being sabo-ed to perform for his course but in the end he and derrick held the mike so far away from them that we can only hear kendrick sing. lol. told kendrick for the next hall supper we shall kidnap lam bhan (they are roomies) and force him to sing. :D sat beside jason and i heard him sing a bit! and then there's kiatweng who made us totally go emo with his rendition of 彩虹 (by Jay of course) and the finale is of course by desmond! his 你不在 was WHOA! totally wonderful. why do we have so many talented male singers in our hall! machiam no females sia. ):

had the recess week withdrawal symptoms initially but soon got back in sync. and then the pressure of hs102 essay due next week came. 2200 words! (word limit la) omg mann. and i was totally clueless on how to get about writing it. but at least i get to destress by chatting with ppl on level 3! apparently i'm like well-known to be corridor ic already. but i don't go around all the time leh! and i might be quitting my role as the stir shitter of 47. let everything 顺其自然 ba!

and then there's _______. wasn't in the right mood at some point of time and i listened to all sorts of songs. but i guess i have kinda thought things through. let everything 顺其自然 because there's nothing i can do now. i have lost the bravery that i used to have a few years ago because the fear of losing is stronger.

天边风光身边的我

都不在你眼中

你的眼中藏着什么

我从来都不懂

没有关系你的世界

就让你拥有

不打扰是我的温柔

做得到

2009-10-08T17:00:00.005+08:00

我很自然地被冠上兄弟這個稱號，

因為我很不女生地會攻擊男生，而且也很強悍．

有人就這樣勸我說應該回到我最原本的樣子，

當一個真真正正的女生．

但其實強悍一直都是我自我保護的方法，

雖然說這個方法並不太奏效．

可是這是我自小跟家裡的兄弟和堂表兄弟們相處的方式啊，

哪能說改變就改變的．

再說，周圍的男生似乎都當我是兄弟，又或者是垃圾桶，

一些隱藏的情緒都讓我知道．

可是又有時會對我不屑一顧，因為他們都不把我放在眼裡．

還真是傷人啊．

不過我真的很佩服自己能夠這麼快的收拾情緒，

但這也是不是代表我的情緒很容易受到別人的左右呢？

總覺得我好像有樣東西還沒找到，

但是我對於牠長生什麼樣都不清楚，要怎麼找呢？

我迷惘了．

我不想不願不去承認我的執著

怕不知不覺無法忍住眼淚不流

我不哭不笑　只剩下沉默

帶著我的驕傲高飛遠走

recess week

2009-10-03T17:37:00.004+08:00

recess week has just came and went in the blinking of the eye.

went to Berkelah, Kuantan, Malaysia from monday (28/9) to wednesday (30/9) with my adsports comm and atc comm. we set off from src in the afternoon and spent the first day buying groceries, clearing the customs, taking 6hrs bus ride from larkin terminal to kuantan terminal and then 1hr cab ride to get to the bottom of berkelah.

we climbed, we sweated, and i fell like mad. apparently the teva sandals that i've bought don't have good grip and thus i had lotsa scars on my legs. the worst came when we were at our destination, for i slipped and fell, and my left elbow hit the rocks, resulting in a swell/bump that has yet to subside.

and of course adsports had lotsa fun in berkelah! we jumped into the waters shouting ADSPORTS THIRD COMM HUAT AH, took funny photos with sparklers and headlights forming various words, had lantern fight with atc, cooked funny things like 金针菇 with cheese, and had sparklers in replacement of candles for our birthday cake to claire and yihao.

we got woken up by 4 noisy adsporters in their tent on the third day (we slept damn early at 12am ok!) and hastily cooked breakfast and camwhored before going down. it was better going down, but i still got some wounds. ):

but we were rewarded with delicious A&W rootbeer floats, burgers, curly fries, and food bought from nearby pasar malam. then we went back to jb in a super hot bus. thankfully it rained after we took a break halfway through the trip, and adsports started a singing session with our mp3 players and speakers.

dinner was at this famed duck rice store where we were treated by eugene and phy (atc and adsports spo-s respectively and the trip leaders for berkelah) [which ahpek said that it's been accounted for in the 60bucks we paid! cheyyyyy!] bought Secret Recipe cakes (alvin pek treated me!)! after dinner headed for the customs and then it's hall sweet hall!

fulfilled my role as a corridor ic as i went for my rounds after bathing and sending my clothes to washing machine. everyone asked abt my elbow (i got wilmond to bandage it so as to restrict movement). thanks for the concern! (lucky i didnt tell jasper foo that it's quite painful when you touch the wound cuz he said he would!) and i slept in gina's room! hoho. but i missed out the adsports fun in yihao's room!

then thursday came. didn't go for the washing of stores cuz i went to see doc. in the end he treated my elbow and zao xia voice. definitely one of the better doctors in medical centre! after that went to find adsporters in src and had lunch with them in can2! after that bought some groceries and went back to hall to rest (missed out on the day trek recce). did my work studiously! and chatted with jeremy tay.

waited for damn longggggg for the Mid-Autumn Festival celebration part 2 to start in blk 47's patio/drying yard. got different ppl from the 4 blks and those who helped out in hall cheer! (they were having practice before that) was mad fun as we played with the mehmeh and wolf soft toys and camwhored! not to mention the dangerous sparklers which other ppl were playing. (:

then spent the night finishing up the deco stuff for the noticeboard in gina's room. had supper of wanton mee! :D then chatted abit with yuenyin vanessa desmond stacy at the door of desmond&stacy's room. slept at 5plus.

friday woke up at 9plus. met up with ziai gina and two sleepy guys (desmond and stacy) along with hansel and we headed for the pool in src. i nua-ed by the poolside (desmond's like where got ppl do work at the pool?), stacy suntanned and the rest swam. was quite relaxing lor. haa. then had lunch before me and gina started working on the remaining noticeboards in our block. after that went to desmond&stacy's room where vanessa and yuenyin were in. it was filled with laughter as yuenyin got suan-ed by desmond to no end (stacy fell asleep) had dinner with desmond and gina after that. then we headed home at 9plus.

that pretty summed up my recess week. though i didn't have much chance to mug (but i printed out all my notes and readings alrdy!), it was filled with fun and i connected with my adsporters more. that would also mean that i would probably feel more struggle to choose between hall and odac in the future. ohwell.

in the meantime, i need to start saving money (possible bangkok trip with some of the 47-ers in december!), start running (for nike human race which is in like 3 weeks' time?) and start mugging! i need to stay focused! no point thinking about things that would lead to no ending. since i've decided to put a brake to it i should fulfill that decision of mine.

陪我唱歌清唱你的情歌

捨不得短短副歌心還熱著

也該告一段落

懦弱

2009-10-01T20:35:00.004+08:00

八字都還沒有一撇, 而且未必會有一撇, 我就已經想逃避了.

是該說我懦弱, 還是我的自我保護意識太強了呢?

我不知道.

痛

2009-09-26T01:40:00.004+08:00

before i succumb to my bed (i've got a ROM to attend later and i haven't chosen my clothes! HOLY COW), just wanna say something:

my eyes are kinda aching (since a few days ago after wearing contacts), my head is aching (more on the right side, i'm suspecting it's because my nose tio whacked twice), i only found out a few hours ago that IHG doesn't start so early in December (ie i could have gone taiwan again with my family boohoo) and...

you.

到底怎么了

2009-09-24T04:50:00.001+08:00

总觉得事情已经开始变得不单纯, 一切似乎已经回不去以前的模样了.

是我多心了吗?

雨天

2009-09-18T22:59:00.008+08:00

it was 22 february 2009 when william asked if i want to join otc09 committee. after 6 months and 22 days, otc09 has finally ended at a high note in Nee Soon Camp, SAF Medical Corps.

it was a different and challenging otc, as i had 2 roles which are quite contrasting. not to mention there are many new things introduced into this year's otc and obviously admin would be part of the change. countless hours have been spent in hq printing notes and stuff, and i think i'm pretty well-accquainted with the photocopy machine on second floor. it was more difficult around the theory phase period as i was down with orientation camps as well as illness. but we pulled through nonetheless.

and my group. i hafta admit i didn't put in as much time and attention on them as i did for juliet08, and it's quite unfair for them. but well, otc has ended, and if i want to make any amends, i would be for next year's otc trainees, provided i still can commit. after all, june-sep period is the xiong-est period for foc. moreover next year we are quite limited in terms of venues in ntu, esp for hall because our hall is used to house the athletes for YOG.

but nonetheless, i do appreciate the present that they made for me. but no thanks for the scare when i woke up. lol. apparently me sleeping during the dinner became an epic event because alot of ppl took photo of me sleeping and goofy postures arnd me as i slept. -.-

chai chang yu! haha random but i think he's a very cute boy. his parents damn power la, rsvp me with email and sms. steady sia!

and the reason i slept is obviously because i was tired la. i slept for like 5hours on friday night, but i think i didn't have enough sleep because i didn't sleep on thursday night. i was in gina's room using computer doing work (gina's roomie was out until saturday) when jasper smsed me at 2plus saying he's bored and hungry. told him got chocolates and later on he came up from 48 and we chatted. then because i felt bad to keep going in and out of my room, i deposited the merci chocolates in stacy&desmond's fridge. and desmond said we machiam treat their room like canteen or sth, because when jasper found out that i put the chocolates in the fridge (cuz melting le ma), he ran over to their room and i followed. then we chatted until close to 6 when both gina and jasper decided to go sleep.

i didn't feel like sleeping, so i went over to stacy&desmond's room where the two of them plus xiaohuan are mugging. did my work as 梁静茹's music played from xiaohuan's lappy. desmond soon fell asleep (he was resting on his bed) and stacy dozed off for a while. i dozed for a while too while xiaohuan just kept on doing her work. damn power!

went up to the patio at 5th floor to take some daybreak photos and this is probably the nicest one. (: went down for breakfast with xiaohuan mesy stacy desmond at 7plus, and met yuto huiee vanessa ryan jesper clement at can9 canteen. had breakfast even though before that i said i dun want to eat. lol. i skipped lunch later so it was ok. haha.

after breakfast went over to nie to buy thumbtacks. i know it's random but since desmond's taking taxi over to nie for lesson and my lesson starts at 1030 and it's probably the only one time i would feel motivated to go over to nie bookstore, i went lor. haha. managed to get the thumbtacks! and desmond's right that ppl would give me weird looks when i was in nie (i was wearing anderson pe tshirt with fbt. lol) and when i walked back to hall, because it was 9am and i'm going in the opposite direction of the mainstream crowd. haha.

went back to hall to settle some stuff after hs101 lecture and i finally found tr52! after the tutorial i went back to hall to pack for home. my initial plan was to go home before the peak hour comes, but i ended up watching videos until it was peak hour, and me and desmond decided to join the mini-steamboat at 48 with ziai candee xinying yuwen junfeng jieli darren junwen pelie.

ate until 9plus and it was filled with lotsa laughter, which should be the case with the presence of the 谐星 (which he's like OI-ing me when i said that) desmond. haha. took a ride in candee's parents' car back home.

this week was officially hell week because there's so many things to do. initially planned to do work on sunday but i woke up late (went kboxing with jacklynn peixuan huishi qingjun after the poc) and i spent the whole afternoon buying camping stuff with alvin and karen (we went from beach road - i even dropped by hq - to queensway shopping centre). on sunday i slept at 4plus after doing my reading. jasper said i shld go sleep since i can just smoke through cuz it's just reading and it's not like i'm doing the presentation. and he slept at 5plus when he got a 830!

on monday was damn tired, and i skipped he191 lecture cuz i've got alot of things to do, so i went back to hall after french with lambhan and did my work until 6plus. went to adm for adsports meeting and i left halfway through the meeting at 9plus and my spo-s aint very pleased. went back to hall to join gina and jesper in doing walkabout to collect blk fund and blk residents' particulars. talked to jasper online again. he's quite a good person to talk crap if he's not watching show or playing games. haha. slept at 5plus cuz need to chiong finish my tutorials.

tuesday met up with my hs103 presentation mate and we did presentation until 9plus. skipped dance and went for walkabout. after that went down to games room wanting to play carrom with keechen but she ended up playing darts with haojun and so i played boggle with changtai. i tell you boggle is DAMN FUN LA! i found the online version and it's so damn shiok. :D after that went up to 47. met clement and told him his bro (jasper) was coughing and he said he's been coughing. so later on at night told him to go see doc after he said i shld be studying but ended up going down to play (think i told xinying that in games room)

wednesday was the french test and 103 presentation. i think i kinda bombed my presentation but nvm over already. after that had adsports meeting again, and i went straight for adhoc subcomm interview after the meeting. then went up for walkabout until 11plus. slept at 3plus this time cuz more relaxed liao, but that jasper foo still dun want sleep early even though he finally saw doc and got medication liao.

thursday havoc! i woke up at 9plus (without alarm) and i thought i set alarm alrdy (i set 2 alarms so that i still sleep in abit after waking up at 9). by the time i woke up again, it was 11 and it was raining heavily outside. so i ponned hs102 lecture. then when me and gina were at the canteen chatting with the rest having lunch before going for hw101. i told gina i had the urge to pon, and the notes are all filled in, so we ponned again. then in the afternoon i watched last week's 超级星光大道5 (all bcuz of desmond who sent me a clip of 黄智阳 singing 记得 i started watching the rest and i love 倪安东! he's totally ownage and the PK king! 孙自佑 rocks too! and keechen like anthony too!) and i decided to pon the second he191 (there's 2 lectures slots per week) lecture.

in the evening had publicity meeting. then had dinner with gina candee ziai peizhi stacy desmond xinen jiangchuan wilmond poohee jeremy loi. after dinner was talking to the girls about cheers and i told them about the aether long cheer. shiok man! then went for programmer interview before we did the final round of walkabout. then had blk rep meeting at 1130 and ended at 2am plus. nearly went berserk. got stacy to buy roti prata for me and gina (and mesy and desmond) cuz he's going out for supper with bagos. i have been eating cup noodles late at night lor. siao liao. ha. jasper came over and talked lotsa crap! but seriously, i think i'm reaping the karma of stirring too much shit. i got linked to 3 guys la. like wth! but that jasper foo's really cockster and gossipmonger mann. haha. slept at 5plus! it's starting to be a thursday routine le lor. haha.

today had lunch with adsporters and i ended up missing a good show in can9! alvin and jianda said i siao liao. haha. ohyes jason finally played his saxophone! think it was on monday night when he played! hehe. it's niceeeee lor. ha. then on thursday after he went to xianwei's room to crash xianwei's oboe practice and i got him to play again. ha. then on tuesday night poohee was playing his guitar in wilmond's room and i requested for a 梁静茹 song cuz i'm listening to her these days. poohee played 勇气 and desmond sang. nice! then he tried to play abit of 最长的电影 (which jeremy chung played during FOOT!) and 蒲公英的约定.

left hall with gina stacy lijing xiaoyan ziai at 6plus. felt guilty not staying in hall to help my fellow publicity ppl to paint banner but i need to take some stuff from home for ODAC Family Day tomorrow! ohwellls. probably need to sleep after writing this longgggggg entry. it's time to sleep early when ppl like jasper de cockster, my hs102 tutorial grpmate, my hs103 presentation mate, my fellow adsporters and also yy fy told me i shld sleep early. ayeaye!

過去那些大雨落下的瞬間

我突然發現

誰能體諒我的雨天

此刻腳步會慢一些

如此堅決

你卻越來越遠

Time of your life

2009-09-13T20:20:00.002+08:00

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

So make the best of this test, and don't ask why

It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind

Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time

Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life

poc has finally ended, and it's time to catch up with all the work in school.

will update after wednesday.

madness!

2009-09-09T04:17:00.003+08:00

i'm foreseeing ppl saying i'm siao etc because of the time i'm posting this. actually i could be sleeping now, but my Farmville's damn lag so bobian hafta slowly click visit/help in xxx's farm. (it's so addictive) haa. i'm lazy to finish reading my hs103 reading when i still have like 10plus pages left. hall life is indeed havoc. i wanted to sleep at 1 on sunday night, but i ended up sleeping at 630 and woke up at 930, because i need to do the result slips. then monday night i said i want to sleep at 1, but i ended up chionging my reading until 3am bcuz i had adsports meeting until 10plus and then somehow i just kept havoc-ing outside my room, such that ppl kept saying i always roam outside the room. lol.

then tuesday. i woke up at 9.44am to my horror, even though the alarm at 9am woke me up (but i didnt have a proper sleep for the past few days since last thursday). quickly had my breakfast etc before going down to the bus-stop with desmond de cripple. so poor thing la, hafta go up and down the stairs with the crutches. i can only say at least it's not 4th floor. but 3rd floor is bad enough. he took taxi to school and i was walking to student walk (we parted bcuz i saw bus c coming, but it went off bcuz it's full) when i suddenly heard someone sounding the car horn. so i ended up sitting in the taxi desmond flagged and i dropped off near S4.

after lessons headed for orchard. met karen along the way and we crapped. hehe. i want to eat steamboat at hall5! then i decided to take nel from outram to dhoby ghaut, and along the way i met this japanese tourist who majored in psychology and wanted to eat small pieces of durian. brought him to the basement 2 of takashimaya cuz he wanted to go to orchard. quite nice to talk to him. went over to shaw centre macs after that to do up the invitation cards and chatted with melissa hanying tingxin arif. that POHTINGXIN damn funny la (i know you are reading my blog. haha) after that went to isetan to buy some stuff before heading for kallang for ice-skating.

ice-skating is actually quite fun! i can move kinda smoothly liao. hehe. kept joking that jason (organizer) wanted to find girlfriends that's why he chaired the event. cuz he get to hold hands of the girls who dunno how to skate! haha. and the way xueshen skates is damn funny! haha. after the ice-skating headed back to hall where me and gina joined in the blk reps meeting (11pm) which ended at arnd 1. went back to shower and sent the clothes down to the washing machine to wash and walked arnd to ppl's rooms. went to sont&weiwen's room, and then darren&jason's room. dropped by stacy&desmond's room for awhile. heh. chatted! haha. and i get to eat some instant noodles. happy sia. :D

anyway i want to say abt sunday's prison run. it was torturous, bcuz i didn't get to enjoy the run. had stomachache since the start of the run la. damn cui. and there was this stretch of road i was alone bcuz we started off late. (the flagoff is at 730 and i started at 8plus? lol) damn cuiiii. so my timing aint fantastic. ):

ok i need to go sleep soon. tomorrow night is gonna be an havoc night, with adsports meeting, othello training, dance practice and hall subcomm recruitment at arnd the same time tmr. lol.

NOT MY DAY

2009-09-04T20:55:00.005+08:00

TODAY IS JUST NOT MY DAY.

it all started at 5am in the morning, while i was chatting with gina jasper, and sometimes stacy who's mugging, in stacy's room. (before that had block reps dinner at 7 in meeting room, and then watched cheerleading practice with jasmine yee roujun before joining gina underneath the linkbridge and then going up to bathe and print my notes for next week. then went arnd to sont&weiwen, jason&darren's rooms to chat. brought my notes to stacy's room cuz gina and mesy's computers are there to do setup. had supper in weiwen's room, listened to jason sing with poohee and his electric guitar and then went back to stacy's room. jasper was there to collect sth from clement and we ended up chatting things from like 金庸 novels to of course gossip.)

received phy's msg and i threw my phone in disbelief that i actually didn't manage to get into atc! i mean, i have wanted to join atc since foot ok but i guess the competition this year is too stiff. and my action kinda stunned the three other people in the room. and my battery came out. :x told them what happened, and jasper advised me to quit odac so that i can focus on hall activities. HAIZ. after one day dwelling on it and whining to karen and alvin when i met them for lunch (i feel very bright and extra. haha. and stupid ahpek dun let me take photo of his poly card! TSKKK. so ungentleman), i guess i'm at peace with the decision.

after all, as compared to atc i guess adsports ain't that crazy, esp since during december the programmers and one of the bizmag will be recceing the routes, and there's IHG in december too. but there's still activities i need to attend la. zzz. moreover there's jac and karen in adsports! and it's my second choice after all. life ain't a bed of roses yeah.

anyway. we chatted until 6, before gina and jasper decided to go back to their rooms and sleep. i didn't want to sleep cuz i can only sleep for 3 hours, but i ended up sleeping anyway. haha. thank goodness there's the video during hs101 lecture cuz i get to nap (the lecturer switched off all the lights!) for a while. after that it's lunch with karen and ahpek at can1. was weird funny cuz i just keep teasing them. hahahaha. after lunch took busA and i alighted with ahpek to go to lee wee nam library to stone for a while before i go for my econs tutorial.

ahpek said TR52 is at south spine but it's not! in the end i gave up finding. hahaa. went back to hall to pack my stuff for home. and it was when i was bathing at home when i realised i forgot to bring my running shoes back from hall. and i have the yellow ribbon prison run on sunday. how cool is that. so i went into panic mode and i eventually found lihui my dearest junior to lend me her old running shoes. beats going back to hall just to take the shoes.

anyway yeah. still ain't feeling pretty good cuz i'm still sad. ohwell. not to mention i'm still coughing, and my throat still kinda hurts. i guess i shouldn't have eaten the spicy drumlets and pizzas (but it's courtesy of the block residents!) on thursday night, or that i shldnt have joined gina jasper junfeng for the run but that's the only day i ran this week. :x haha. and i just found out from my encik that i can't bring my laptop in tmr to do my work! damn sadded. but i will just use zipeng or boss's laptop. heh. and i'll bring my notes. omg i'm turning into a mugger. told derrick need to start working hard alrdy cuz all the training are coming in. which means i shld stop venturing out of my room too much at night. haha. and no more thursday until-6am-talks. unless jasmine woo is not sleeping and we can walk over to macs for early breakfast. hah. but i really need to stop sleeping so late, such that my voice, which i has lost for 6 weeks, would come back. alot of ppl wonder how does my original voice sound like, and ppl like karen wilmond forgot how my original voice sound like. :x

i'm craving for food, and i haven't touch chocolate for a week. i'm getting chocolate deprived! ):

我做到了...吗?

time of my life

2009-08-30T03:12:00.002+08:00

SERIOUSLY, i think i've became nocturnal.

i mean, it's 3am in the morning and i'm still wide awake. yesterday i was also online until 3am, commenting on people's facebook status and albums. (fb is getting really addictive, esp when your new friends sleep around the same time as you do) and i'm supposed to wake up at 730 so that i will reach hq at 9am. madness. i think i will become a zombie for the whole day later. remind me next week that i need to sleep at 11pm on saturday night, just so that i can run without having any sort of hangover on sunday. i think i shld worry about my timing for the 10km but everyone around me is like aiya it's only 10km no kick! and i hafta explain to them that my last serious run is 5km and that's when i was sec4. but then again i ran quite a bit during otc camp but that's 3 months ago. rahhh. i shall panick on sunday because william said he will wait for me at the finishing line, ie he will not wait for me. HMPH!

anyway. just now while i was sorting out my wallet (which is rotting in my deuter backpack for the past few weeks cuz i'm now using my hp pouch to hold the essentials - money ezlink etc) when i pulled out quite a number of movie ticket stubs. put them into the yellow Precious Moments box which i've bought in secondary school and i poured out the contents of the box impulsively. went through the numerous ticket stubs and neoprints and suddenly all the memories of my secondary school and jc days came back.

i can still vaguely remember i watched which movie with who, and the fun times i had with the various friends who took the neoprints with me. most of the neoprints are taken with celine yy fy during our comp days and looking back, i missed those days when we spent hours in school training on fa home nursing and fd. i still keep the home nursing notes which i used to teach the juniors during their home nursing trainings, and qingliang's 10 fa cases which are kinda dirty with the fake blood he used to make. even though we may be in different places now (ok me and yy are still in pulau ntu together), those days were definitely one of the best times in my life.

though i'm starting to struggle to catch up with the numerous readings that had came along my way (probably because i spent too much time chatting and having fun with blk47 ppl), or that i'm frustrated with making decisions all the time, i would say it's the time of my life now. i became the blk head of 47 as i had wished to be, i have made many friends (and will continue making) across the 4 blocks and in odac, i have quite a clear idea of what i want to do for at least the next 3 years, and i've finally freed myself from the emotional struggle that i had a few days ago.

thus i would say all's good!

i will brace myself for the busy life ahead as trainings for sports, recreational games and dance, numerous readings and presentations and tutorials, and odac meetings start to come in.

I've been waiting for my dreams

To turn into something

I could believe in

And looking for that magic rainbow

On the horizon

I couldn't see it until I let go

Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn

Now I'm coming alive

Body and soul

And feelin' my world start to turn

And I'll taste every moment

And live it out loud

I know this is the time

This is the time

To be more than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time

This is the time of my life

Time of my life

Holding onto things that vanished into the air

Left me in pieces

But now I'm rising from the ashes

Finding my wings

And all that I needed was there all along

Within my reach

As close as the beat of my heart

And I'm out on the edge of forever

Ready to run

I'm keeping my feet on the ground

Arms open wide

Face to the sun

HUAT AH!

2009-08-28T15:37:00.003+08:00

ytd was a damn happening day for me, for there was a point of time i had 5 events ongoing arnd the same time and i'm so torn, trying to figure out where exactly i should go. there's warlocks dinner, netball & soccer (which ended at 7plus and jasper[da very happening hon gen till 8 sept]'s like you said ok but you didn't go!), odac agm and alan's dance class!

in the end i dropped by odac agm for a while at 630 to chat with aether ppl and then rushed back to hall for alan's dance class with some of the bagos ppl and we formed GIG! haha. it's a secret among us! (: and the dance class is shiok i tell you! learned many new stuff from alan! i'm super glad that i've decided to go for the class.

after the dance class rushed back to lt5 for odac agm (still having speeches!). chatted with the aether ppl and seniors. guohua and liseng got elected into office as Logistics Officers! only found out that they ran for main comm on tuesday lor. basket. and phy got her choice as adsports spo! huat ah! haha. now i can't wait for the subcomm interview next week. i have a feeling quite a number of ppl want to get into atc. :x

after agm went out for supper with karen alvin gilbert jingchu! thanks to alvin who helped to convince the rest to have supper nearby instead of beauty world, so that gilbert can drive me back to hall later! :D (but that didn't stop me from teasing him and karen. hoho) went to the place beside city harvest church, and we ended up only drinking teh over there. jingchu wanted to eat roti prata but there don't have, alvin doesnt want to eat cuz late alrdy, karen's ok with eating but the rest not eating so we all ended up not eating. damn funny ok.

reached back hall at 1am plus and walked past games room to find ppl inside. so i went in to kaypoh abit and found some of the jcrc nominees inside with jareth. started chatting with them as some of them asked me abt their competitors and we moved from games room to the link bridge to talk. along the way met wenxin who told me she gave blk46 tees to 47 blk reps! gina told me that it's weiwen who asked wenxin if they got extra 46 tees. thanks to them! :D (but S is still damn big. lol)

went up to shower cuz i was damn smelly and i found warlocks girls (gina xinying ziai) + candee (ziai's roomie) + hansel + junfeng in xinying's room chatting. then i went past liling's room which was open and she was showing her cheerleading dance moves to mingda. damn happening la. quickly showered and went down to the link bridge to continue chatting with them and got their contacts. even stopped thomas to get him to talk to them. chatted until 2am plus before we finally dispersed and went back to our places. i joined the group in xinying's room after talking to clair (liling's roomie) in liling & her room. it was until ytd then i realised it is an open secret and apparently there are quite a number of people who don't think it's good.

i dunno why i told the group that jasper asked me earlier on if i want to drink but i just did, and junfeng asked me to ask jasper to join us in drinking. got some ice and i brought out my baileys original while junfeng brought down his grey goose vodka and johnnie walker black label. was quite shiok and the guys laughed at me when i attempted to look at my econs notes and then my french while drinking. lol. eventually ended up standing outside with gina jasper junfeng and chatted abt alcohol and stuff. then talked abt anime, and jasper + junfeng got amazed that gina watches alot of anime.

eventually they finished the baileys (jasper kept apologizing for finishing it. lol. i only drank abit!) and abit of johnnie walker and we finally went back to our rooms at 6am. and that motivated me to skip school today. hahaa. but i promise to be more focused and to wake up for lectures even if i sleep at 6am in the future. i'm totally relying on yuenyin for the notes alrdy. :P

gonna go home soon! but too lazy to move around sia. haha.

失望透顶

2009-08-26T12:46:00.005+08:00

你真的真的真的让我很失望。

我以为我们是朋友，我以为你是知道我就是这样乱闯进房间（如果门是关着的我会敲，如果里面的人在忙我不会吵），我以为你会感谢我拿绷带帮你把在伤口上的纱布黏得更稳。

我错了。

我有猜你凶我是因为我刚上任的原因，但是当我转过头看着她进来你房间的时候，我才明白你凶我是因为你在等她进来，不要我打扰。要不然过后我还你汤匙顺便调侃你们两个的时候，你不会有那么不像你会有的傻笑挂在你的脸上。

是认真的吧，至少我注意到的结论是如此。其他人也大概那么认为。那这是不是代表了我以后不能随意进出你的房间呢？这是不是代表我们以后连朋友都做不好呢？我很想一直这样生你的气，让你知道你的态度是多么的恶劣，可是我过后调侃了你们，所以你应该是当做我没放在心上吧。毕竟有人跟我说，你的态度有时就是这么的恶劣，这么的不解人意。

我不是不知道你其实会对朋友好，可是你只是对特定的人很温柔，就像昨天我看到你跟她轻声细语的模样。但是你对其他人嘴巴就会变得很贱，你知道有人很讨厌你这样吗？我想你对自己已经太有自信所以不会去理会到底有谁对你不满吧，反正只要上头的人喜欢你就够了。

我宁愿你过去她的房间，也不要她来你的房间（不过我觉得后者的机率比较高，因为你室友的女朋友也是常来你们的房间），至少眼不见为净，至少经过你的房间的时候不会那么刺眼。

是该转头不理的时候了吧。

still sick

2009-08-25T15:16:00.003+08:00

third week of school has started, and i'm still sick. ): went to see doc today after hs101 tutorial and i ended up paying 5times the amt for the medicine as compared to the previous time (4bucks). like wth. desmond laughed at me after i told him that i was given 1) yellow tablet antibiotics instead of the standard capsules 2) cough tablets for day 3) cough syrup for night 4) lozenges 5) some pills for sore throat and to dissolve the phlegm 6) flu tablets in case i got blocked nose.

i'm very glad that today's hs103 lecture became an online lecture, because i seriously need to catch up on my sleep after i'm done with otc nominal roll for encik, and the numerous readings that i need to catch up reading on. i'm also very glad that i've changed my 1030 tutorial tmr to 1630, even though that meant i would never have a chance to go back hall with my fellow hall9 buddy in french class, and he has an interesting name. it sounded like lampard to me when our french prof pronounced his name on the very first day of lesson. haha.

but nvm. at least i'm happy with my timetable. aside from the fact that my he191 tutorial is from 1430 to 1530 on fridays, and my only lecture on friday ends at 1230, ie either i go back hall to stone for a couple of hours or i stone in the library if i'm too lazy to go back.

this few weeks of school have been great. almost all my nights are filled with something to do, ranging from chionging from can a back hall and then to lt11 in my one night (hall freshmen welcome dinner and odac welcome tea) to just lingering in the seniors' room to chit chat or mug. last night i think mingda was fascinated that me and gina can study in wilmond and yongjie's room for like 2 hours? there's blk supper tonight and i'm gonna run for blk rep (blk head actually) with gina and mingda. has been asking ppl in 47 to vote for me. heh. hope things will go well tonight!

just now went around taking photos of the peaceful blk47 in the afternoon and seriously i can tell you it feels really good, and totally different to the noisy & lively blk 47 (namely level3) at night. it reminds me of those late summer afternoons and i feel totally relaxed. sat at the amphitheatre and went up to the patio to take photos. the sky is really blue! enhanced the blue by switching to vivid blue in my camera. and it's pretty. (: now i really miss the days at home when i would cycle to some parts arnd my neighbourhood to take scenery photos. ): and how nice it would be to have a guitar and strum some lazy songs.

then running. has been procrastinating for the past couple of weeks by telling myself i'm still sick. but at least i've ran twice. ytd's run was abit bad, considering i cant really maintain a steady rhythm for my breathing as i covered the same route with mesy gina priscilla previously. goes to show that running when 心神不宁 ain't exactly a good choice, but at least it kinda helped to clear my mind.

i feel frustration, and it's actually kinda worse than how i've felt in the past. it sucks that after you've promised yourself to do it and you've felt the exhilaration in being able to say that aloud, something just have to pop up to make you feel even worse than before and the frustration then overwhelms you like a huge blanket, engulfing you up. i know i can do it because i've been through it before, but when you're stuck in it it will take like the longest time to get out of it. it takes alot of willpower, and determination. which is difficult as illustrated above in the same paragraph. not to mention i seem to like to make myself more frustrated by keep clicking at things which i don't want to see and could have avoided not seeing.

it will all get better in time.

到底这感觉谁对谁错
我已经不想追究
越是在乎的人越是猜不透

Les Lumeries

2009-08-23T23:41:00.002+08:00

was at Hall 9 Dinner & Dance: Les Lumeries last night. the main thing that attracted me over instead of ODAC's Firelight on the same night was because it was held at The Pod, National Library. it's a place where we can't go as and when we like. it was a place for exclusive events! so it's probably some sort of once-in-a-lifetime thing to go there! and i tell you the view there is damnnnn good! love it manns.

but the turnout rate for warlocks ain't alot. there's only me mesy jasmine ziai xinying hansel (and fiona + weiwen who are the programmers for the event). but ziai jasmine xinying got their roomies to join us! so it was still ok! though me and mesy ended up at the back chatting with xueshen and leeting. haha. and we keep crashing bagos's table!

evidence of us doing so. haha. but they are our fellow sister group so it's ok la!

after the D&D a bigggggggg group of us (participants and planners) headed for Ah Chew Dessert for dessert of course! had honeydew watermelon with sago! uber niceeeeee. and after munching those sweets me yuenyin vanessa xiaohuan huiee keechen yuto desmond stacy wilmond junfeng hansel alan fookwee headed for a ktv place in the forum in orchard! but first we went to pick up gina who was at union d&d!

had lotsa fun singing even though my voice haven't recover. i mean c'mon, how can you not get high when we sang songs like Get High? sang until 4plus before we headed for home/hall. me gina desmond stacy wilmond squeezed into the backseat of hansel's car with yuto at the front. and of course i got suan-ed like mad by the 3 guys at the back. poor desmond who sat beside me kena-ed alot from me! lol.

i'm starting to reallyyyyyy love hall9!

DAMN

2009-08-22T12:31:00.003+08:00

IT'S GONNA BE BLOODY DIFFICULT BUT I'LL OVERCOME IT.

for the sake of myself, and my sanity.

what really mattered

2009-08-18T16:24:00.004+08:00

watched Up with jiaqing on sunday and i went without expecting anything because honestly, i didn't know what the movie is about. i mean, guakhee mentioned abt watching it in 3D when we meet up on thursday but in the end we didn't watch, thus i didn't know again.

but anyway, the movie is good! it covered many areas in a lighthearted manner, such as achieving your dreams irregardless of your age, abt how ppl can be selfish (like how munz tried to get the bird), abt friendships (the scouts boy with kevin the bird, and the protagonist with the scouts boy) etc. it's a really touching movie and i would definitely recommend to those who haven't watch it. (which reminds me that i didn't manage to watch Harry Potter 6! OHDEAR)

during hall supper last friday with some of the bikers (bagos + warlocks) ppl. it was fun and i felt closer to this grp of ppl (plus gina) than my original og. maybe because we are all garang and everything ba. i'm glad that i'm in blk 47 level 3.

and after much deliberation and talks with various seniors (thanks for the time!), i finally made up my decision about my focus. phy is right in saying that why do the things you don't like when you could have spent the time doing things you like, even if that might mean your chances to stay in hall may be jeopardized? i have always believed in following your heart (though my heart failed me for a few times) and do whatever that makes you happier. there might be regrets along the way, but ultimately when i look back to this period of time a few years later, i believe i wouldn't regret. i will just do my very best. and that includes my focus on studies.

nearly died during hs103 lecture, cuz i fell asleep (i think it's my flu medicine kicking in) and after i woke up i totally cannot understand what the prof is saying for like 80-90% of the time? zzz. think i need to read my book like mad after i get it from mychelle. and i borrowed alot of books for reading lor. like i borrowed 3 from ADM library, and then 2 from HSS library. steady mann!

gonna be so busy with so many things coming up, thus i believe all those strange feelings will start to subside as i busy myself with studies hall and odac. it better be, cuz i believe i'm starting to develop this 平常心 already. wish me luck!

again again!

2009-08-14T12:56:00.004+08:00

i love fridays because i only have one lecture (but there will be ppl saying i have no lessons!. ohwell. leave and let live) and i can nua in hall until as late as i want. budden later at 4plus i hafta go down to nie again (i've been to there for like 5times this week!) for the last nie orientation, and then i hafta chiong back to hall for the hall supper. after that i would probably come back hall to sleep before going over to hq for otc meeting. ohwell.

anw the last nie orientation session is good, because i get to know 3 hall 9ers! one of them is my primary school friend shariffa! and the amazing thing is that she just stays 1 door away from me! (gina is my neighbour)

hall life has been rather amazing, like everyday there's sth fun la. like ytd after i came back from the gathering with eileen guakhee melvin at bugis (crystal jade!) i chatted with the seniors! there's this kinda-drunkard jason mehmeh the ahgua (he calls himself jason the great) who is damn funny and i chatted with him. then darren said my (sexy) voice is damn distinctive. lol. junfeng mesy came over to chat too. it was damn funny. then i chatted with gina online till 2am. siao mann.

i think i'm getting quite familiar with ntu already as i kept walking all over the places. like today after hs101 lecture me and yuenyin walked from lt23 to hss building to collect our matric cards, and then we walked from south spine (where hss building is located) to north spine, and i went over to nie to buy the books for reading.

so many things are happening, i guess the seniors are right that i really hafta make a decision where my heart would lie - odac or hall. sigh.

the middle

2009-08-12T11:52:00.006+08:00

Hey,

Don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head you feel left out

Or looked down on

Just try your best

Try everything you can

And don't you worry what they tell themselves

While you're away

(Chorus)

It just takes some time

Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride

Everything, everything will be just fine

Everything, everything will be alright (alright)

Hey,

You know they're all the same

You're doing better on your own (on your own)

So don't buy in

Live right now

Yeah, just be yourself

It doesn't matter if it's good enough (good enough)

(Chorus x2)

Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head you feel left out (feel left out)

Or looked down on

Just do your best (just do your best)

Do everything you can (do everything you can)

And don't you worry what their bitter hearts (bitter hearts) are gonna say

(Chorus x2)

blogging from hall! my roomie has left the room at idk what time but anyway i'm alone in the room! and i'm like chatting with my og mate whose room is like just 3 doors away? LOL. today no lessons cuz no lectures! :D but later got work so i'm like damn sian. and i'm still sick. OHWELL.

anyways wanna blog about hall9 foc. can't write lotsa details because i secretly suspects alot of ppl reads my blog, and that my blog can be found quite easily. like alvin pek who easily found mine because i blatantly wrote ntu odac foot 09. lol.

basically i had mixed feelings towards the foc. because i was in the rejected list initially, but thanks to wilmond aka the fake freshie in aether 09, who managed to like help me, i was called in after someone pulled out from the camp. and then i gave up on some of my commitments. ohwell again.

anyways my group is warlocks. for some strange reasons i got myself into the high mode on the first day of camp, which shouldn't be the case cuz i take time to warm up de. i was crapping to my group mates, like hong ji whom i called as red chicken. lol. and wilmond saboed me to be cheer ic. zzz. left when the orientation games are abt to end, because i need to go for nie orientation, which was ok cuz danson was arnd to help me. i can't imagine how am i going to handle the people later.

the activities are okay, and kinda fun, like the drain walk! omg la. initiation is well, initiation. the main idea is for us to do silly things while blindfolded and be dirty (read: eggs kena cracked on your head). but at least there's the hot shower for us to clean up before we head off for camp christine to sleep. (cant sleep in hall cuz still under renovation for yog next year).

my fave activities would be the fright night (damn good ok!), and the beach day. my singlet upsized from m to l! lol. but as for the sp... no comments. i just happen to not have good sp for the 2 sp nights. ohwell. but i had a great htht (heart to heart talk) with my seniors in the night. hehe. campfire didn't exactly felt like campfire because there ain't campfire songs! i wanted to sing eppo e tai e tai lor! ): and my group got reduced to 3 at a point of time. :X

then the collection of keys. some of us are like kan cheong spiders trying to get the keys first because 1) we want to get into a particular blk and 2) we want to chop chop move in clear up and then go home. got into blk 47 with a good number of people from my og like mesy, xinying, liling, gina and mingda, as well as seniors such as sont and weiwen. i think my level (3) is the craziest one, cuz we are still going into each other's rooms as late as 1am plus. ha.

school officially started ytd and i attended my first lecture. i realised i shld have done more homework in my 21mth holiday, because i felt that i abit cannot really catch what the lecturer is talking abt, but he's a fun dude nonetheless. ha. and i went to see doc. damn sian la, it's like i'll always fall sick after a camp. ):

my nights this week are super busy, eg i had 4th asc 5yearslater outing at thomson plaza pizza hut on monday, last night i had meeting with aiden for the appraisals (all the way to novena! ohmann) and then aether gathering, which i reached 2 hours late. after that it was a impromptu meet up with yy, and then supper with my hall ppl (gina mesy priscilla hansel junfeng jerry jeremy) before going to mingda's room to chat with oliver mingda mesy gina sont. tonight and friday night i have nie orientation and thursday i have hoods skw outing! ohmann. gonna be broke before the end of the week lor!

i'm very glad that i've managed to go for the hall foc, even though i wasnt quite in a good mood throughout the foc, because at least i know some ppl arnd in hall, and i wouldnt feel that lonely. and i'm also glad that i have other friends in ntu, like today i had lunch with zhongli, and i met kokjian (whom i forgot is in ntu. so paiseh la!). and there's also venod who messaged me ytd, as well yy whom i met twice ytd. and shiyun + waikuan whom i havent manage to meet up yet. i guess i just need some time to adjust myself totally to school life. yeah.

one step at a time.

不想懂得

2009-08-08T23:42:00.002+08:00

everything is merely a trick of the mind. it will soon reach a closure if i manage to pull through.

hall9 foc up next when i have the time.

NTU ODAC FOOT 09!

2009-07-27T20:22:00.005+08:00

AETHER!
(reply) MEH!
AETHER AETHER!
MEH!
AETHER AETHER AETHER!
GAN MIAN YANG!

ntu odac FOOT (freshmen overseas orientation trip) 2009 has officially ended as of saturday, and i can assure you that it's hell lot of fun! my sexy voice (which a lot of ppl laughed at it on sunday when i was in hq. weishen later on told me that it's too sexy for him. LOL) can vouch for that.

for starters, it's the longest camp that i've been to (if i had gone for the 7d6n sports club camp that starts today then it's a different story) and i've went for my very first waterfall trek in malaysia. kept slipping cuz the lousy sandals that don't have good grip and liseng (who walks in front of me) hafta keep checking if i'm alright, especially when we are doing river crossing. was kinda disappointed that Aether (my group) and Ceres (sister group) cannot go up the waterfall, but we had fun at the foot of the waterfall, playing I got peace by the river, How many people standing splash splash and many other games!

personally i find the overseas segment is more exciting than the local segment, probably because we spent 3 days 2nights in wilderness without proper toilet facilities and we get to scream our hearts out without worrying that there would be residents complaining about the noise (campfire went on till 12am plus ok!) and i witnessed extravagant field cooking for the first time! it's not just mess tins, it's indian pots, frying pans and gas canisters! we cooked up a storm with shark's fin soup, french toast and lots of maggie mee! the seniors brought gas canisters for the trek to cook cup noodles ok!

anyway, aether rocks, because we are Most Family (all go gan meh meh), because we won cheer fight, because we cooked up a storm for cooking competition even though our icebox is left back in singapore, because while the other freshies were standing we all sat on our field chairs, because we all have a fan to fan ourselves when the weather is hot and because we are GOD-LIKE (aether is the god of light). :D

i got my maiden dunk into the nanyang lake after supper night on 5th day and it's really crazy ok! i can't struggle back when it's 4 big guys grabbing you by the limbs to throw you in the lake. but it's fun. LOL.

SP (Special Pal) night! the theme is white, thus all of us turned up in all sorts of white we can think up of! there's pe teachers (mainly the freshies who wore white tshirt and white fbt), student (lauren and phy), cooks, lab assistants (ie me in the photo above) and construction worker (or like some biomed lab assistant portrayed by chongyew, one of my GLs, above)

seriously, this SP thingy is really a wacky and kooky thing, because the freshies hafta find their SPs (seniors and usually chosen by the GLs) and we go to extra lengths to ensure that seniors would agree! like liseng who did a song (当你孤单你会想起谁) and a dance (NOBODY!), and perrine who popped the question when she was like about to reach the top on the rockclimbing wall. and sometimes we hafta crap up funny stories, and it totally made the GLs seem as though they are matchmakers. that motivated me to be a GL next year! :D

we performed a skit of many commercials and it's damn funny i tell you. sometimes i'm really awed that we aetherians can come up with such solid stuff in such a short span of time. i kept panicking for cooking competition and the skit ok.

thus i was very very very surprised when Iffah announced that i was the Best Freshie for Aether, because there's people more deserving of the award in the group, eg Jacqueline (who left early cuz she's got fever), or Guo Hua who is like the main guy fixing up the skit and cheers for the cheer fight). if wilmond (who like to step on the elmo faces on my slippers, saying that they will make a sound - ie i will make a sound - when he step on it) ain't the fake freshie i would have suggested him too. i'm just the garang and keesiao (they got totally annoyed by my chinese slang while we were crossing the causeway and on the way back to school and commented i need to calm down while we were walking back to our pelepah campsite after the trek) person in the group. but still, i thank the seniors for the recognition. (:

reached home in the wee hours on sunday and i only went to sleep at 3plus after checking my mails. woke up totally late at 8.41am as a result of a faulty alarm and not notifying my parents that i need to wake up. rushed down to hq and i started coughing badly, thus i napped in conference room during the presentation and forum, so as not to spread the germs to the people in the hall and also to catch up my sleep. for the very first time i didn't join the committee for dinner ok! (went home in my dad's car)

otc has finally came to a semi-close and my weekends are freed up again! but there's still the poc to prepare, and preparation for hall life! and there's gonna be an orientation for the nie freshies next week, which clashes with my hall camp! fyi i'll be in HALL 9! lemme know if you're there too!

anyways i fell kinda sick too. on top of my sexy voice there's sore throat and bad cough. in the noon time i coughed so badly that i nearly vomitted. :x but nvm i got the week ahead to nua! :D and also to pack my room which became a warzone after i came home from camp and otc!

BOOHOO

2009-07-17T15:12:00.003+08:00

everyone has watched, or going to watch, Harry Potter without me! BOOHOOOOO.

ok jq asked me if i'm free to watch this weekend but it's jam-packed with activities!

tmr i'm going over to ntu to do banner painting for the odac foot, and then over to beach road where my groupmates will be buying stuff in army market and i will go opposite to hq to print notes, and lastly over to amk hub for agi06 comm meet up! then sunday is dedicated to otc. boo. and then for the entire week next week i'll be away in camp until saturday night, and then next day is exam day. talk about an exciting life.

at this rate, the earliest time i can watch harry potter it would be 27july and i bet practically everyone, that includes my younger bro, would have watched already! ): maybe i shld go watch by myself, or ask the otc or the agi06 comm if they want to watch over the weekend. :x

I Believe

2009-07-11T15:00:00.004+08:00

寂しくて言葉も出ないこんな夜は
君の笑顔抱きしめ眠ろう humm

ふたりならどしゃ降りの雨凍える朝
手をつないできっと歩けるそばで

I believe 消えかけたあの日の夢
いつでも手をかざし守る
忘れない

When I'm feeling small
When It's cold outside
I don't know who I should believe
And when I needed someone special
just by my side
Who was there?

I believe someday I will love
Someone who's by my side
Oh someday
My special one will come along
I'll pray everyday

I believe 消えかけたあの日の夢
いつでも手をかざし守る
So I believe もしも風にふるえている時は
二人で探そう日の射す場所

Someday I will love
Someone who's by my side
Oh someday oh someday
I keep on praying everyday

*
this song by Yamaguchi Yuko came into my mind quite randomly this morning, and i went to find the song.

didn't watch this show (i think) but i read the book (adapted from the drama) when i was like arnd pri6 or sec1. can't really remember the storyline but it's like the early version of 败犬女王, where soichiro is younger than natsuki. but they didn't end up together. to a certain extent they do feel something for each other, but because of their age (i think) and that they had their respective halves, they didn't acknowledge their feelings and thus merely treated each other as very good friends. one of the websites wrote that to natsuki, kugata represented bread while soichiro represented love. thus choosing kugata meant that natsuki is a practical person, and wondered if she would regret in the future.

she would, but there's no turning back. soichiro could have gotten her to stay by saying something on the day she's leaving with kugata. but he didn't. so whatever that had happened will stay in the past as it is.

*
for some strange reason i kept reminscing the past, like old songs that reminds me of the different phases in my life just randomly popping out in my mind, and old dramas that i suddenly felt like watching, eg Over Time and Long Vacation. it's as though i wanna go back to the past, to go through whatever i had went through back then and if possible, change the things that i wished i had changed back then.

*
went for ntu odac foot (freshman overseas orientation trip) briefing yesterday. it was a mini reunion for me as i met lauren (lihui. need to start getting used to call her lauren) mychelle jocelyn (from sajc too. 06s18) perrine (northland and anderson junior) my group seems pretty okay budden there's room for improvement. shiyun said maybe everyone will open up even more after the camp starts. maybe.

*
过去的，就是已经过去了，不论它是以什么形式存在于过去的时光，或好或坏，它就是以当时的现状凝固下来，不会有改变，能够改变的，只有未来．

~《心跳》

run

2009-07-09T20:36:00.004+08:00

i'm going to go for this! totally cool mans. running in the prison! probably running 10km with boss and he said he will wait for me at the finish line. lol. and he is thinking of asking the otc trainees to go and we will sign up together under corporate and our company name is SJAB OTC. wooooo. but i want to be an early bird! cuz can save la. lol.

peixuan is going too, but she wanna just do 5km fun run instead of 10km competitive run. me wanna chiong 10km! so that means from next week onwards i'm gonna run regularly! this is the kind of motivation that i need. (:

ohyes i'm skipping hss (humanities & social science) camp for odac camp! haha. i figured i can know the peeps in sociology when we go for lectures and tutorials together! :D

something to ponder

2009-07-07T00:54:00.003+08:00

i had planned to write this in the later part of the day, but since i'm using the lappie to send out some urgent stuff just now i might as well write it now. got delayed cuz i was playing bejeweled blitz (i'm kinda obsessed with it. i broke my own record earlier on in the afternoon but the network didnt save! sadded).

anyway i met up with some friends/ex-colleagues last night. was chatting about what's happening in each other's lives when we came to the topic that we kinda talked alot about it back when we were working together: the relationship status of one of us (not me). caught up on the stories between her and her bf and i was quite surprised to hear that she is now in some sort of rough patch with him now, cuz back when she haven't got together with him, the impression that i had of the guy was that he is nice and everything.

so while chilling out at starbucks after dinner, i was telling my friend that she should really consider breaking up with her bf because well, if she is having thoughts like we're better off as friends (they were friends since secondary school), they should really switch back to the previous status. then she told me she is used to having a bf around to care for her and for her to care for him. which i can understand for her situation, because she's with her previous bf for like 7 years since secondary school until they broke up last year, and shortly after the breakup she got together with her current bf.

then i realised our difference. if what happened to her bf is applied to my bf i would have broken up with him straightaway and be mad at him for the longest time, yet my friend tolerated with him and her anger dissipated the following day after the discovery of that matter. she said that she would probably feel lonely if she broke up with him, and i can understand, because she's used to that kind of attached life. on the other hand for me, my life is quite packed with stjohn and i'm accustomed to singlehood, thus it is rare for me to feel bored. i mean, i still have games and books to fall back on even if there is no stjohn. not to mention school is starting next month!

what i didn't tell my friend is that she should start having a life without her bf at times, like going for yoga classes or something like that. and that she should not be comparing her bf with our common friend (who was with us last night) who is a superb bf (he bought a present for his gf for his birthday. lol! he said cuz she likes the bag and that the idea came to him last week. his birthday is coming soon), because well, i think guys don't like to be compared.

and after last night, the urge to stay single is stronger, because i do not want to be caught in an emotional turmoil like my friend, on top of other reasons like me having a higher possibility to choose to hang out with friends more than with bf (重友轻色 in other words), me don't want to be tied down and me wanting to roam around freely without having the need to tell anybody. after all, i was urging this same friend to break up with her previous bf along with the perfect bf/ex-colleague of mine last year because the relationship was not healthy and she's not forceful and determined enough to end the relationship. and now i'm doing the same thing, because she's not willing to let go even though she know that things are going wrong. i don't want to be blinded, because that ain't healthy. and i don't want too much complications in my life.

best wishes for my friend.

beat it

2009-07-02T22:24:00.005+08:00

yeah i know i'm like almost a week late in writing this, and there's probably a million people who had written a tribute to this King of Pop who had an impact in their lives one way or another.

i do remember Michael Jackson from my childhood, other than the vcds that my dad would play once in a while. i think my dad do have blood on the dance floor vcd. the song that i remembered most vividly is Smooth Criminal, probably because when i was young me and my brothers would play some michael jackson game on Sega and the music that was featured is Smooth Criminal. in fact, the backdrop is the same as the one we see in the video! michael in the game would go up and down the stairs doing some dance moves to whack the baddies and then will go WOOO! as he go down some stairs that will move down as he goes down (as seen in the video)

was watching 完全娱乐 yesterday and it has a mini-MJ special. then i saw some part of the lyrics for Beat It, and i find them meaningful! i mean, michael jackson do write meaningful stuff like We Are The World and Heal The World.

Just beat it, beat it, beat it beat it
Nobody wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

and then i was listening to another song, Wanna Be Startin' Somethin', when i realised he chanted a part mamusaymapusamamapusa repeatedly in that song. gurmit might be surprised to hear that it originated from Michael Jackson instead of Rihanna's Don't Stop the Music. he was saying yeah i know it's from Rihanna cuz the idea came from that song! when i told him that it was from Rihanna. perhaps the songwriter of rihanna's song is a fan of michael jackson and incorporated that part into the song. lol!

it's okay if you don't understand what i'm saying because nobody will. hehe

*edited:

joshua just told me that mamusaymapusamamapusa originated from the song Soul Makossa, and the singer (or the songwriter?) sued michael jackson and rihanna. LOL. blame it on himself that he didn't make it as big as michael or rihanna! :P

let's write

2009-07-01T19:37:00.003+08:00

okay i'm abit inspired to write, though the things that have been happening over the past few weeks have been rather mundane.

as usual otc was kinda crazy, especially when i'm operating on my own. but thankfully there's yuanzheng who helped me to staple the notes when i was printing them on saturday. he poor thing la, go down to hq just to open the otc cupboard for me. the funny thing is that instead of buying the paper on saturday and then bring over to hq for me, he bought it on friday and brought it to hq on friday. i was quite surprised when he appeared on saturday empty handed, and after he opened the cupboard he said i perform magic and then the box of paper appeared after he removed the 2 rims of paper that was left over from camp. then on sunday he bought 9 more rims of paper! he super nice ok! this is the kind of logistic officer we should have! wayyy better than the one we had last year. left siying and yongsheng on their own ok. TSKKK.

sunday was like all over the place, because there was the chief comm badge ceremony. met friends like ivan who is irritating as usual and charmaine they all! (: the theory lessons were pretty ok, save for Ultimate Challenge 2. ha. and then there's our standard dinner after the meeting. :D

went through some stuff since monday. i've decided to opt out because it's not suitable for me, but it's persisting to stay around. i can only say they have awesome willpower. i admit it's attractive, but it ain't my cup of tea.

now i can't wait for the orientation camps to come!

gosh

2009-06-27T23:34:00.001+08:00

i'm losing the motivation to blog.

sinma

2009-06-22T00:08:00.003+08:00

sinma is really an eye-opener for me, especially in terms of seeing how the malaysian teams do their footdrill. the bangings are damn solid ok.

anyway i was also very inspired by the number of trainees who turned up. initially i only have 45, then some said have last minute stuff so cannot make it. then along the way some said they can help out. and eventually when i took attendance there's 51 trainees. amazing! i think some of them got sian-ed by me cuz i kept messaging them about the details and stuff and my sms somehow got a bit misleading and stuff. =x

but nevermind sinma over already. next up are the course days and nfac!

and the talk is really a good one. thanks for it cuz i learned more about myself again. (:

and the banquet! damn funny ok. i was like mingling around the zone1/4/8 tables, to the extent that even derek asked me why i keep moving around. lol. me and peixuan even went to kajiao isabel! haha. jeremy is super funny to irritate cann! he now calls me a fly because i'm so noisy. hehe.

asjab camp in 8 hours' time!

OTC09 camp

2009-06-16T20:36:00.003+08:00

it definitely gets the top position as the most tiring camp that i've ever been to, which includes camping in the wild (partially) in pulau ubin as part of the OBS camp and in deserted desaru.

while there are lectures dotting the 4d3n schedule, there are plenty of physical activities. considering lights out at 12am and reveille at 4.30am, it's not difficult to see why there can be so many physical activities. the trainees ran around greenview sec for like 4 rounds (which totals up to 9.6km approximately), then to pasir ris park, and lastly the killer ROP. my right second toenail is going to drop off again as a result of wearing unsuitable running shoes (lazy to buy a new one) and not to mention the unforgettable Ultimate Challenge. the trainees hafta climb ropes, carry casualty over 2 stacked tables on stretcher, pullups, pushups, suicide running, jumping jacks and leopard crawl. and while waiting for their turn they are to be in pumping position (those unfit are to do buddha claps while sitting)

but the camp is meaningful. there are objectives behind the activities, and i believe the trainees do learn something in the cap. otherwise there wouldn't be so many people writing love notes and reading them aloud to william on the last day of camp. and the 10hours spent in hq on thursday printing out the booklets and journals paid off when the trainees gave feedback that admin is good! hehe

forming up.the hike.

over this camp, i find myself bonding with the committee members. like yunsi who looked so strict but can be really fun to hang out with. not to mention we have one common best friend. hoho. like my team mentor aiden who made sure i sleep on the third night by telling yunsi to watch over me and will issue me with 1 OR (observation report) if i don't sleep (for the record i didn't sleep on the first night, 2 hours on both second and third nights). like yuanzheng whom i talked over msn and phone over the past few weeks fixing up the details of the camp. and of course the fellow instructors!

though my group (november) ain't that fantastic to be with, but i reckon what i have said might make them realise something about functioning as the team, even though not all are keen to bond. anyway they wouldn't do anything much during theory phase so i guess i will just let it be, because after these few years i realise bonding is just an additional bonus, functioning as a team is more important.

then i found myself making new friends with the trainees in the camp, even though they are not in my group. like mavin who used to be in juliet back in 06 and i totally forgot about it until he told me so after break camp. :p

looking at my calendar, i realised my life is full of sj, like every weekend since mid-may till mid sept i will be having sj stuff. people asked me why am i so siao on, considering such involvement will deprive me of social life, and lesser time with my family. i have pondered on the question, and while hanging out with my close friends in sj is part of the reason, satisfaction from a good job done plus inspiring change in the juniors contributes to it too. but the latter only come along since 08, when i joined otc08 comm and learned quite alot from junyang, and some of the trainees.

like what william's pet phrase/key quote of otc09 says, what's your standard? is it stopping at 4.8km when you could have hit 9.6km? or stopping at suicide running when you could have done leopard crawl with your fellow teammates? or doing buddha claps when the rest of the course are in pumping position throughout the ultimate challenge? it's all in your mind. pushing yourself to stretch beyond the limits is the key, and you will be rewarded at the end of the day.

asjab camp and CHA camp next week!

A is for AWESOME!

2009-06-09T18:59:00.010+08:00

yeah we are a bunch of AWESOME people. :) although we didn't have a great brainstorming process at the beginning for the group name but by some stroke of luck brandon came out with the marvellous name on the day before we are to paint the flag. at least it's not Alponse, which is a character in the literature text used in ytss. or AL. i was tempted to use Absolut though. wahha.

we didn't start off well, not when i brought them to conference room for ice-breaking. LOL. anyway things got better when we moved over to Anderson for theory lessons. perhaps hq has this anti-ppl-bonding aura present. haha. day3 lunch was good, because we all huddled at the halal shop, eating pratas (max is like 2 per person ok), murtabak (brandon), roti john (additional by kevin). the kids got pretty high at painting the flag and we finished first! and we had a cheer ready after that.

then came camp. it was crazy fun with Awesome and the other kids in lessons like field cooking, community songs etc. i guess Nobody is a classic song for all to remember, especially for Spongebob. heh.

(during field cooking. :D)

though i wouldn't say so for myself cuz i didn't sleep on thursday night, slept for 1hourplus on friday and perhaps 2,3 hours on saturday. :x

Awesome going keesiao after field cooking on friday, totally breaching the rule of not doing strenuous exercise within 1 hour after dinner. you should have seen how sweaty they are after practising on their Awesome billy banja pole dance.

A! (:

at night is very siong with the guard duty and all, esp on second night when we rushed out the results and appraisals. and me nursing my scraped knees that i got in the morning when i was leaving Anderson to go to hq. otc briefing was ok but ice-breaking is really jialat. :x but at least i crapped quite okay-ly. LOL.

full moon! so pretty right. ;)

on last day celebrated xueli's birthday, cleaned up the school and then practised for the POC.

with Le Yong, the sji boy who has the potential to lead but get overshadowed by the comp team. he did a good job replacing kevin on day2 as course ic. during group interaction on day2 i got Awesome to write their nominations first and he was like counting down to the bathing time for ALs every 5 minutes, cuz he wants to do the Awesome billy banja pole dance. damn funny la! think he was quite gek when i sat them down to do reflection on the course and camp after that.

then there's the turnout during guard duty later on. damnnnn funny. i asked him why he always wear big tshirts and then push the sleeves up arnd the shoulders area, he said so that he can still wear it when he's forty years old and has exponential growth. haha.

with JOSEPH WOOOOOOOOO from mayflower who joins bl at sec3. he's actually much taller (right marker!) and he's damn funny and bhb! jokes mann. his Nobody dance with niresh and rum is v classic. gonna upload them to fb soon! :D

that marks the end of the major zone activity of the year, and not much zone activities after that. all's left for now is OTC. has tons of stuff coming up manns. =x

i tell you 孙杰 in 双子星 is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COOL i tell you. first is his super zai stealing skills, then his sudden appearances in front of 方宋乔 and his confidence. cooool manns! i personally find the relationship of 孙杰 & 方宋乔 more interesting than 叶语晨 & 张峰, cuz 孙杰 is so mysterious la. ha.

3 more days to camp!

漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈

i don't care

2009-05-29T15:36:00.004+08:00

Say my name and his in the same breath
I dare you to say they taste the same
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
And let December glow in flames

Brace myself and let it go
Start it over again in Mexico
These friends, they don't love you
They just love the hotel suites, now

I don't care what you think as long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery
Said I don't care what you think as long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery

Take a chance, let your body get a tolerance
I'm not a chance but a heatwave in your pants
Pull a breath like another cigarette
Pawnshop, I'm trading up (trading up)

I'm the oracle in my chest
Let the guitar scream like a fascist
Sweat it out, shut your mouth, free love on the streets
But in the alley it ain't that cheap, now

*
i can almost hear the cheeky tones in their voices and the thing that i wanted to do right there and then is to grab hold of them and give them many tight slaps.

you are what you want your juniors to be, and if this is the attitude that those retards are giving me even before the course starts, then i would say they are hopeless and might as well don't go for the course at all. we are going the extra mile by checking your status, so don't blame me when things don't go your way when the course starts, because you are not giving us the due respect that we deserve.

if there can be people who make the effort by coming down personally or spending more money to get things done on time, i don't see why the rest cannot do it. it's simply how much you wanted it.

i don't care if i'm gonna piss off many people with my attitude for the next few days or even weeks, because i'm fucking pissed and trust me, this anger will not subside very quickly. don't say i'm unreasonable because i've given enough time, so save that argument, fucking idiots.

madddd

2009-05-28T00:28:00.003+08:00

we're all going to tear our hair apart because of otc. maybe not for my boss but at least i would say that for myself. so many things to do and i find myself being quite guilty to always ask boss for advice. but seriously, the higher authorities kept harping on protocols so i shall stick to the protocols.

talked to some of my kids today and i realised there's a growing disparity in terms of mindset. like the ta activities. i was quite against one activity being carried out and they said it's ok cuz jc (CJC mind you) orientation do that. but do they also realise it's at jc level and not at secondary level? okay even though it's just a few years apart but the younger kids' mindset are still quite innocent (though becky had said that pri sch kids at her age was sprouting vulgarities. -.-). ohwellll.

shall sleep away all those issues away and may tomorrow be a better day.

just go away because you're already so far away.

gaaaaa

2009-05-26T21:17:00.004+08:00

last weekend was mainly spent at 420 Beach Road, with a group of people who are my fellow comrades. dinners were funny and enjoyable as they normally would and should. i mean, it's been quite some time since i've last met some of them!

ncoc was pretty standard with the lectures and stuff, just that i find it kinda fast that we only had first course day on sunday and we're having MOI exam next saturday already. efficiency? maybe.

missed out sitting in for a few lectures because was talking to boss about otc. (when boss start talking we can get carried away for a few hours) then later on big boss (mrchua) came and we ransacked the otc cupboards. found lotsa old stuff!

yesterday went out with hweepeng for a major shopping trip! walked from far east to wisma atria to heeren to bugis village to tampines 1 and finally tampines mall. i spent 90plus but i only bought 1 top from bugis village! spent 50+ on the body shop stuff - 2 satsuma shower gel (2 for $14.90), satsuma body polish, body shop membership and tea tree cleansing wipes (for me to use during camps such that i would just bring facial wash and then use the wipes for toning. no point packing in the moisturizer and toner cuz they are bulky!)

i bought so much shower gel and stuff cuz i'm preparing the stuff to bring over to hall! (even though i havent confirm that i will get a room but i suppose year1s will get priority!) got accepted into ntu sociology and i just accepted the offer today cuz nus rejected me. ohwell. anyway if you are finding a roomie please find me! (:

the latest album that is on replay in my computer. i thought her music style was rather eccentric (i didn't like poker face and just dance initially) but as i kept watching the MVs on mtv the songs just kept playing in my mind. it's addictive.

not to mention i'm listening to more of english songs lately. ohmannn. then i've stopped watching Boys Over Flowers since last friday. too busy! lol.

i need some inspiration and motivation

and we rollll

2009-05-22T21:14:00.005+08:00

nah i didn't roll. the guys did, cuz there's only 4 girls.

went for Camp HA's OJT today, and met 7 new people (one of the guys is a boatman for Camp HA already). i realised how vastly different we can be. like chase who totally looked like paul twohill-ish kind of emo rocker when i first met him during the interview last week. he's gonna be an accountant at quite an established accounting firm! when he told me that today i'm like stunned.

and the girls. i'm like the darkest (like DUH), with hazel and siowyuan being SO FAIR i tell you. they totally dun belong to the wild like jbac (jalan bahtera).

after listening to the rest's introductions in the morning, i realised i'm like the most laojiao in terms of camping (not army style like what chase, jeremy and julian went through la. think it was chase or shanker who said i got biceps (ie strong muscles) when we are doing the low wall). none of them had gone to jbac before, or at least in their memory and they didn't know how to walk into jbac-sarimbun-camp christine area. it's like totally new element to them. like moving around jbac (i knew that place so damn well ok), doing belaying etc. while belaying i realised some of the stuff just come naturally to me, even though i dun think i've actually belayed before. the last time i did rock climbing was sec3 at emmanuel house, but i doubt i actually belayed la. but eunice said i did well. hehe.

i quite like the scenery when going in actually. beautifull.

i think the majority of us clicked off quite well, and we chatted quite happily on the bus back. but so sad that some of them cannot commit for long. like zahid (who's graduating like next sem?), chase (who's starting work in august), brad and shanker who's enlisting. ohwelllll. hopefully we can do what we've planned on the bus. heh.

my latest fetish. for some strange reason i was driven to watch the show. maybe it's the attraction to see New Caledonia (where they filmed for their overseas trip), cuz i didn't feel the urge to watch the jap version.

it was totally crazy ok. i was supposed to wake up at 7 this morning, and i only slept at 3 plus cuz i chionged like 5 episodes last night. madness. and i went through some tiring activities at OJT today ok. :x

oh did i mention? 李民浩 totally looked like 言承旭 when his hair is flat! like i think ep4 when he temporarily straightened his hair cuz 金丝草 said that his curly hair is digusting. i'm like OMGGGG. and then the ep before that, when he wore a beanie. OMG cannn. the similarity is almost 100%!!!!<33

i think i shouldn't watch tonight cuz i will just keep watching. and it's like i can remember some of the plots from the manga quite well actually. hahaha. see how la. but i'm tireeddddd and tomorrow need to wake up early for sj. ):

anyways i'm BUSY BUSY BUSY. i shall not have the time for those crap stuff that don't worth my time. i need to keep chanting them in order to really stop thinking.

每个呼吸只为自己

faith

2009-05-19T19:29:00.003+08:00

it is now that time of the week again, when i would feel bored beyond my means, even though i have several things to do on my to-do list. not that i'm procrastinating (i am doing my work okay), but i'm just looking for distractions while i do my work and sadly there ain't much to distract me. even the tv ain't that fantastic, but there's always the trusty mtv to rely on.

it had been a very tiring weekend as i woke up v early since friday. saturday had ncoc meeting in the morning and as usual, some of us would nua around in hq before going for lunch. after lunch i walked over to bugis, wanting to get the mahjong paper, markers and blu-tack as instructed by william from popular, but they are having 25% storewide sale and the lines are like DAMN LONG i tell you. so i gave up and walked over to the cathay to pick up the tickets before going over to centrepoint cuz there's stationery shop. met up with gua and mel after getting the stuff and we went to watch Angels and Demons. (eileen joined us 10mins after the movie started) it's a great movie! but me and mel whispered kinda too much during the movie. haha.

after that we had dinner at pastamania and then climbed up to Old School at Mount Sophia. went to Timbre but we only stood outside. bought drinks from carrefour instead. haha. it's great meeting up with the interns! but i want my money! which reminds me i haven't message fel about the pay yet. ><

sunday woke up at 6plus and took a ride on my dad's car to amk to meet up with peixuan to cab over to hq. had instructor prep course with william huishi qingjun px zipeng aiden yuanzheng aishu gekmin arif peijun junhao (both came late). a mere 2.4km defeated me! my muscles are still kinda nua now lor. ohmann. i seriously need to train up my stamina.

the prep course is very meaningful as compared to last year, and i'm surprised to find that the most important thing to me is actually faith. not the religion kind of faith, but the belief kind of faith. the faith to believe, to love, to trust, to be determined and strong.

as usual after that is dinner! (: me william huishi px are like the standard ppl to go out for dinner sia, this time plus qj pj jh. (oh did i mention yz's bike looks sooooo cool? i told him ytd that to ride it over to camp cuz i wanna sit on it. LOL) then i kept telling aiden that must join us for dinner in the future cuz it's a good way to bond. (: chatted a bit with him after that too. must do sth to make him warmed up by the time it's camp mann!

i can't wait for the weekend again.

什么都不是

2009-05-15T22:55:00.001+08:00

disregard the title.

ANYWAY. I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!! *cues streamers and poppers flying in

like, finally. fangyi was like such an inspiration that i wanna be because she got it at her first try! and yet i gabra-ed until 4th time then pass. anyway i wasnt really practising much for my 2nd and 3rd test, which falls in the period when i was working my ass off for the productions company.

anyway yeah. passed! i thought i was going to fail again cuz the tester is like kinda frustrated at my speed. HAHA. then he still had that expression when going through my mistakes later on. then he said go watch video at classroom 5 (before that during the test drive the instructor was telling me what to do after passing the test. so zhun!)

then was at home waiting for the letters to come in. $9.15 for speedmail! wahliao really cheat money can. maybe i shld teach those ppl sth about checking singpost for their speed of delivering normal mail. 1working day is sufficient lor! haiyos.

went over to chompchomp for dinner and i would say it's been soooo long since i've last went there. ky's even worse. he can't remember when's the last time he actually went! lol. qj's recommendations were alright, just that the portions are like so not worth the money la! should have taken a photo of the food that we've eaten! tskkkk. but the stingray is HEAVENLY. then that ky made me wanna eat bakkutteh when he mentioned it and said that chompchomp should have bakkutteh. LOL. anyway it was nice catching up before i went havoc with sj over the weekends. (:

庸人自扰

玩世不恭

2009-05-13T21:35:00.006+08:00

用你的手想确认什么
梦的轮廓还是胸口的跳动
你看到我并不是我
燃起体内的火放手一搏

随便说说玩世不恭
更多内容上网搜寻就有
你还在讨论上一秒钟
我早就跳过到很远的宇宙

哪来的规矩我听不懂
快翻转地球敲出新的节奏
我就要引爆音乐脉冲
瘫痪既有的陈旧

哪来的逻辑啰哩叭唆
颠倒了前后中断精彩内容
这就是人生玩世不恭
请把自由还给我

哪来的规矩管得太多
快翻转地球敲出新的节奏
我就要引爆音乐脉冲
瘫痪既有的陈旧

哪来的逻辑都你在说
颠倒了前后中断精彩内容
这就是人生玩世不恭
改天有空再联络

*
i have a rebellious streak in me. ha.

i've found a job that's quite dream-come-true in terms of pay to me, budden i doubt the boss will hire me because she's looking for someone who can work everyday (3.30pm-11.30pm-ish), and i have commitments on weekends at least until mid-june. ohwell.

i have another job lined up, budden i don't know how to tell my dad that i've clinched the job. HA. (told you i have a rebellious streak in me already) but somehow i just have to tell him, because this job affects my chances of working another part-time job. :x

been listening to various genres of music lately because i still can't put my finger on the exact emotion that i'm feeling at times. like today when i was sitting alone in liang court's macdonald's doing some people watching (which is not a lot, considering it was like 2plus in the afternoon and clarke quay in the afternoon is quite deserted), i can't determine whether i should listen to sad songs (cuz alone and thinking some mind-provoking stuff) or just some jazz because the mood is so laidback.

anyway i like the time spent around clarke quay in between the interviews. sitting by the window in macs watching the world go by and writing some stuff down; walking down the aisles of meidi-ya supermart (reminds me of the times i spent in Jason's in taiwan); finishing 如歌(by 敷米浆) in kinokuniya; walking along river valley road and then to mohamed sultan road. it's quality time for myself (but definitely not for my legs) (:

22may!

sj

2009-05-11T11:41:00.004+08:00

i always liked going for dinner with boss (read: william) because it usually meant he would treat us to the meal. :D yesterday when the food came yuanzheng took out the money from the wallet just like that (10dollar bills leh) and for a moment i thought it was yuanzheng who's paying, but he said that it was william's wallet. haha. (we went to some hawker centre which they called it as 85 after we nua-ed in hq until 5.30)

and it's ALOT of food i tell you. satays, oyster omelettes (with starch and without starch), otaks, chicken wings and a bowl of bak chok mee (soup) for each of us. it's really alot. so much that yuanzheng don't even have the stomach to eat the cakes which we bought later on at our next stop.

*alright huishi said that william only paid for the drinks and omelettes, while yuanzheng paid for the otaks, satays, chicken wings and bakchormee. so a big thanks to yz! will tell him on sunday. (:

went over to Tampines 1 mall after that, and william was like trying to shut me up as i talked to huishi as we walked in. it's a lot of stores i tell you! puma dorothyperkins punkstar uniqlo espirit etc etc! hweepeng we can consider going over there to shop! :D

went to Teadot at 3rd floor. after buying the drinks and deciding which cakes to eat (peixuan and huishi took some time to decide), went back to our tables and we found william and yuanzheng playing Monopoly on my laptop (yes i downloaded it), with the names so..wahliao i tell you. tsktsk.

as usual with william around we would definitely talk a lot of gossips (we started talking back in hq. ha). about who's with who etc etc. and of course about otc too. so we sat there from like 7plus to 10plus. wahhaha. peixuan and yuanzheng looked bored most of the time, and i told peixuan that next year she wouldnt be so bored anymore, because she can join us in more gossips. haha. william and huishi are astonished on how i can get so many gossips across the zones. haha. i quote william, 我人缘好! :D

then boss decided to be a nice guy and sent the girls back home! (px in amk, me in khatib and huishi in woodlands)

like what my fb status say, there's nothing much in my life now except for sj. from now on until mid june i'm having sj stuff every weekend. this coming weekend is otc prep course, next 3 weekends are taken up by ncoc theory and camp (plus otc course briefing), followed by otc camp. woo. how exciting my life is.

i just realised it's only been one week plus ever since i've left the company. yet it felt like such a long period of time to me. ohdear. 度日如年! that's the last thing i want to feel now. hopefully with so many things coming up time will go slightly faster.

and please stop raining! i want to drive in peace.

*edited:

driving was alright. it was fairly cloudy with the sun hidden ahead, and i had a nice instructor. i like the way he assesses my driving (which is still not quite up to standard. ha) and taught me new stuff. goes to show again how my very first instructor sucked. tskkk.

ohbtw he thought i was a swimmer cuz i was so tanned! hahaha. (i miss paddling. bah.)

算是结束了吗

2009-05-10T00:41:00.005+08:00

i think this is the very first show that i actually got myself in front of the tv to watch every episode (if possible) on saturdays ever since it first aired on channel u (since it's stimu-telecasting in taiwan too). i like the mood of the show, and how the story slowly unfolds. i quite like the way rainie depicts 默默. there are times i didn't think of her as rainie, because in her previous shows she would always have exaggerated expressions and everything (especially for her 蒋小花 role). i like the way that she quietly influences the people around her (the good ways of course), and being so considerate and everything.

i also like the fact that there is not much hidden 心机 inside, like if 公主帮 bullies 默默, Mars will soon know it and go to her rescue. life ain't that dramatic ok. and 大東! must clap for him okay. this time got more 内心戏 which i think he did fairly well! i don't know why but i still like him the most as compared to the other 飞轮海 members. (: and 一隻! my favourite guy. :D

it's been a few days. i avoided opening MSN window, i avoided looking for your nick, i avoided listening to soppy songs that would remind myself that i still feel kinda mixed inside. it didn't help that when you talk to me on msn you would suddenly disappear and go offline, and you would never, never say anything about you suddenly dc-ing, not even i wrote something after you went offline. it's ok you didn't continue on chatting with me after i wrote something, but it's basic courtesy to tell someone whom you were chatting (or transferring files) that you suddenly dc-ed, right? seriously, i wonder what is inside your head. it's like a black box, with your moods and actions unpredictable.

i told myself not to read more into anything that you've done, because it's meaningless, because you probably just did them for fun, because it's just nothing.

There must be truth in what we hear. Do not believe in anything until we are sure that it is true.

then this. i don't want to verify what is true or not, because it's meaningless, and it wouldn't have mattered.

at all.

sigh

2009-05-08T11:38:00.001+08:00

my mum (or dad?) told me that my cousin jonathan got accepted by ntu already, and his results are like arnd the same as mine? (or maybe it's just the fail in GP part, and his was the old syllabus while mine is the new). dammit mans.

people arnd me who knew that i was applying for uni (in fact most of them actually) are asking me how my applications went (even william asked me when he called me earlier on). all i can offer them is that i don't know, because they haven't send me the letters yet. it's giving me all those jitters and negative vibes, and i'm stressed. what charissa said in february was right. but all i can do now is to hope for the best.

懒

2009-05-07T20:44:00.005+08:00

to my utter dismay, i'm still procrastinating. last night i told waicheung about my current state of procrastination after hearing from him that he and yeening are starting to plan for july's afa re-exam and exam already. i even added that i feel motivated to start work, but i'll only start today (it was 11pm plus when i talked to him on msn ma). ohwelllll.

if only it's last year now. then i would be in my 3rd day in london, taking in the beautiful sights. there are several things i want to do in london, like going to Windsor Castle, or buying more pairs of flats from Primark! (yes i'm quite obsessed with it now, for the strangest reason). i don't mind going scotland too. ohmann.

anyway. finally went out with my bike after so long. it's quite relaxing to be out cycling, except for my last lap home when a girl suddenly squealed for nothing, making me brake immediately. and the girls still dared to laugh and say sorry when my face explicitly shown that i'm damn buay song. bunch of idiots. i should have said that louder. wth.

i have done up the attendance form, but i think the procedures might sound abit long-winded and confusing. ha. who cares now la. tskkkk.

blogggg

2009-05-05T22:26:00.003+08:00

i shall try to find something to write everyday. the other day dean told me that he was writing an essay (of some sorts) and encouraged me to write. but i have no topics to write about so i guess i shall start from blogging. it's some sort of writing for me and i have abstained from alot of singlish. yay.

anyway today was a pretty normal day until the afternoon. please remind me again why i have decided to be admin officer each time i complained about so many things to do for otc. today i've spent so many hours in hq preparing the stuff to send out. i'm not complaining because i reached hq late, and i opted to go without my deputies (because they have school). it's just the sian-ed-ness when i reached killiney road post office at 6plus and one of the employees over there told me the local mail has been collected at 630pm when the collection time for cbd areas is 7pm. like WTH cann.

i've settled one major problem and another one is coming up (or more like it's been lurking around and i'm only addressing it now) and i have only until sunday to finish. not to mention the reply mails that would be coming in from probably friday onwards! then the ncoc stuff! ohoh! now i'm quite glad that i'm jobless now because if not i wouldn't have time to settle all those stuff!

i've created a summer playlist in itunes and it's perking up my days as i listened to the songs! definitely better than listening all those soppy songs. maybe i shouldn't have gotten that song (this isnt the song name) by david archuleta after listening it on tv.

nevermind that's not important. i need to start planning my working schedule (for otc and ncoc. very no life i know. boos)!

你说活在明天活在期待不如今天活得很自在

that's right! live your life to the fullest today before you start even thinking about tomorrow! and don't live expecting something. be the one in charge of your own fate! that's what i'm telling myself now. out of sight out of mind!

(:

photos

2009-05-04T14:14:00.003+08:00

(i'm finally motivated to post more pictures here to spruce up the dull landscape in my blog)
(clockwise from me) me eileen gua marie
aaron the funny hairstylist! most friendly as compared to the other 2 hairstylists (they rotated shifts)

gurms!

it might sound crazy, but i miss those crazy shooting days. each day is memorable in its own way. (i'm bored stiff last night but thanks to the bunch of ppl who chatted with me!)

summer's so lost when it's raining in june

excessive

2009-05-03T14:54:00.002+08:00

I SHALL BLOG EXCESSIVELY TO RELEASE MY EXCESSIVE AND SIAN-ED ENERGY.

like i spent the past 1hour or so finishing up the meeting minutes and sending it to william to vet, or chat with many ppl whom i havent chatted with for ages. and opening up soo many files to do. yet i'm not close to finishing half of my to-do list that i've done up. wooo.

the weather is looking damn fine outside now with such a clear pale-ish blue sky dotted with white clouds and cool breeze blows in from the windows in front of me but i dun feel like venturing out cuz the sun looks quite merciless. last night at 12am plus there's loads of lightnings and i slept with the sounds of rain.

i shall start:

my training routine so that i can actually stick to my marathon plan with charmaine!
reading those travel & leisure magazines that i've neglected for so long!
reading those books that i've borrowed from celine and bought!
loading the movies and shows that i want to watch into my psp so that i can watch on my dvd player!

oh did i mention? the bird and the bee is pretty good. their latest album, Ray Guns Are Not Just The Future, has been on replay since i first started listening at 1pm plus. (:

boleh!

2009-05-03T00:49:00.004+08:00

MALAYSIA BOLEH!

is a phrase i learnt from my dad today when we went into malaysia to attend an aunt (she's my dad's batch but her age is just like 8-10 years older than me)'s wedding. it's been donkey years since i've went back to malaysia (at least more than 8 weeks) and i quite love the feel of being back there. except that i wore formal clothes so i felt quite out of place as we walked around and had lunch at a shop in kelapa sawit.

went to the Tesco kulai outlet that i've waited to open with bated breath. i would say even though there's some Tesco stuff that i've seen in london (but no pringles rice crisps! or kettle thai sweet chilli chips!) but the basic Tesco vibe is gone. there's this part where the loudspeakers kept blaring some Tesco promotion thing, and that degrades Tesco to the normal Giant or any other hypermarts in malaysia. i was pretty sceptical when i found out they are building Tesco in kulai. seriously, kulai has enough hypermarts.

the wedding dinner was ok, but it's considered v dull as compared to the one right beside us, who blared karaoke music and the host is like running to and fro the 2 weddings. no wonder she looked so out of place with silver knee-length boots, frilly skirt and top (didnt really see properly). at the other wedding she took off her jacket and totally looked like someone hosting a getai. they are like playing techno music or sth! goodness. food was pretty ok, and at one point of time i entertained myself with my psp that i stashed in my clutch.

i found myself kept looking at the wedding photos slideshow, and i wonder if i would really see myself in that situation (ie i'm the bride and then there will be a slideshow of me and my future husband - whoever that might be - playing somewhere) ten years down the road. i can't visualise at all.

i guess i'm an ironical commitment phobe.

after tonight i'm more convinced, so please just let time go faster.

enough

2009-05-01T21:30:00.003+08:00

我有个故事要告诉你：

一天，爱情和友情一起去散步．突然，爱情不小心跌进了河里．
为什么？因为爱情是盲目的．

于是，友情赶紧跳进河里去找爱情．
为什么？因为真正的好朋友会时常在我们的身边，不管你需要或不需要．

但是，友情找不到爱情．
为什么？因为爱情太脆弱了. 爱情之所以会那么容易失去是因为我们没有好好珍惜．

最后，友情放弃找爱情了. 它把爱情留在那里．
为什么？因为朋友会渐渐忽视我们，如果我们不懂得要怎样珍惜和感谢他们．

*
i liked the time spent in kinokuniya (vincent waited for me outside zara even though we went to different sections in kino la. and he called me to tell me he's leaving. how sweet. ha), and walking alone around the crowded place (taka in this case) is an old feeling that i have neglected for quite some time. it's time to pick it up again and get accustomed to it.

i'm quite glad i got persuaded by yy to join them for lunch (everyone who saw me went i thought you're pangseh-ing? cuz jq told them about it. haa). although it's just the 5 of us but it's nice chatting!

it's the friends who will stay for good, thus they will definitely be more important to me.

on another note, i suddenly start craving for cup noodles. had one for lunch ytd and nearly had another one for dinner today. :D

in da mood

2009-04-30T22:33:00.002+08:00

i'm in such a blogging mood now! my hands are like itching to type things down. (and i still haven't finish my diary entry yet. dammit) when i haven't finish checking through the otc application forms which i've promised myself to do it today! in fact, i'm doing everything else except doing otc stuff. i surfed facebook (i even went to pet society which i feel damn sian-ed already), surfed blogs etc while ignoring some of the emails. please slap me!

anyway nothing much to blog about my day. eileen complained alot about work today and i quite pity her. ohyes i got a 2nd hand phone (i foresee shiyun going to scold me already) because the w850i that i'm using now is really cranky and stuff. perhaps i'll go sell it but my dad might just kill me. lol.

i'm still struggling.

finally over

2009-04-30T11:34:00.006+08:00

it's finally over.

this past 8 weeks of hard work felt like 8months to me. i just realised i only have 1 week of off days in the past 8 weeks! goodness. and most of the working days we are chionging c&g shoot lo. madnessss.

in my 8 weeks i've seen 5 interns come and go, and the four of us (as above, me guakhee eileen melvin) survived. gua came in earliest, around 1,2 mths before i joined in march. eileen came like 1 week after me, and melvin around the same time as eileen but slightly later.

i would say it's really c&g that bonded us 4 together. we've spent so much time at jalan tarum sweeping/mopping/cleaning/fanning/bringing drinks to the actors directors crew/setting up for the scenes/stoning in the styling room while preparing for the next day/bitching, that it is impossible for us not to bond. but sadly towards the end eileen became v busy with score II, thus it's just me gua mel. i quite like the times when we would sit/stand in the kitchen having our meals chatting and marie would join us sometimes. and the bitching sessions!! (:

even though this job has alot of saikang and shit, i still think that there are good moments to remember (thus i dun really agree with what mel has commented on my fb status). like the working environment. it's really quite relaxed when we are just doing office work. in fact, i think most of the media companies/production house probably adopted that kind of environment. like Yolk, and some of the companies that i have gone to when i was running errands for the company. it's probably because of the erratic hours they hafta work.

like the people i've met. peter's crew for c&g, the actors for c&g, marie and kuangyong (who calls me ding. LOL) damn fun to hang out with ok! gurmit and don kept teasing me on the day when i found out don's part of Don&Drew who produced Bouncy Bouncy Smack Smack. ha. and marie our fellow bitching partner! i quite like that windy/rainy night when we stayed in the interrogation room to bitch about the stylist. (the entire crew was saying the heavy rain and strong winds were because of kuangyong leaving and he's kinda like in a bad mood cuz overrun. lol)

come to think about it. i think the stylist for score is a really talented person because he does hair, makeup and wardrobe all by himself. you may say it's just jibby and fay, but to plan for their clothes and everything wayyyy ahead before shoot (all 10eps) and jot it down and stuff is really impressive (cuz the stylist for c&g didnt). and his bf (thus i didnt mention the stylist's name cuz i dunno he would want to announce to the public. not that the people who are reading this blog would actually know him. but i think he's quite a prominent figure) is goodlooking! OMG. he has dropped by before but i didnt really look at him. last night when he came in to wait, the stylist intro-ed me to him and i'm like OMG!

then later on after they have left and me and mel were waiting for gua and fel to go down to the styling room for debrief, i was like proclaiming it to mel about how goodlooking that guy was and then went why the gay guys are so goodlooking~ (okay la there are exceptions). mel gave me some sort of look of disbelief. haha. (cuz he didnt see him ma) and he went so girly honoured/flattered/touched kind of tone when i passed him the gift that me and gua got for him the previous night. that's our dearest gayboy for you. (:

i will miss the work (so sorry to eileen whom we've left behind), but it's time to move on. ytd was such a crazy day! went to office early to finish up the bloopers logging, and then i went along with the score ppl up the bus towards tpy. but i didnt join the shoot because i'm returning stuff to the sponsors. so was going over town and then going back to pick the people up for the next location. then it was more chionging around. stayed in the house because gua needs to go back to the office to sort out the props. then when i was about to go back to the office i realised the padlock for the main gate was missing. had many calls and i got really pissed or more like tired. my tone didn't sound good when mel called me but had no clue where the padlock was (i went why are you calling me then? and he went silent for like a minute plus before hanging up). i mean, call me only when you have news. no point calling me to tell me things that i already knew and which you've told me already.

listened to linkin park while on the way back to the office (mel found the padlock in a box which we've brought back to the office) and then changed to instrumental when i'm feeling slightly better. checked off the stuff that the stylist had borrowed for c&g and did props for today's score shoot in the studio. (we ordered in pizza for dinner) then the final debrief with fel who told us 1, they get us to finish up on labour day (which is crazy), 2, they get us to do next week (but our contracts kinda like end by labour day) 3, they release us that night. and they chose 3.

mel said it was a surreal feeling that we are out of the company already as we walked out, and i totally agree. it ended on such a dramatic note! and seriously we have alot of stuff havent put back. wardrobe alone is crazy. the next intern coming in will go crazy i tell you! summore my sorting out of the wardrobe is only done halfway. ha.

but neh mind (inside joke of c&g2) it's over and so be it! can't wait to get my paycheck next week! and my social life is back to normal again, with my friday and sunday booked (saturday got wedding dinner in malaysia). hehe. :D plus i need to set my sleeping hours back to normal mode. i have been sleeping at 3am for the past few nights. :x

it's no problem of mine
but it's a problem i find

you'll be out of my life.

idk

2009-04-27T22:23:00.007+08:00

i'm reaching the crossroads where i have to decide whether to leave or not. mel called to tell me that gua is planning to leave like tomorrow, and he still haven't decide whether to leave with me or leave with gua.

to be honest, i'm very hesitant to make a clear decision. i was told right at the beginning, even during the interview, that it is not a glamourous job as one might think, considering that we are in the media industry where we would rub shoulders with celebrities once in a while.

and then i enjoyed the job cuz of the environment. c'mon, i don't need to spend money on getting office attire. most of the time i dun even bother wearing jeans! shorts tshirt and slippers are enough. and it's like a home, where you walk around barefooted, kena attacked by scruffy and the horny chewy, use those nice cups (i love the black pastamania cup) to drink either plain water or some tea that is available in the kitchen. then there's also the free internet access. woo.

then came along F11, which is my maiden attempt on logging. it's in a very controlled environment so it was pretty easy. then the last ep of Score. quite fun too, going on locations.

then C&G 2. that's the thing that made my life totally haywire. all the prep stuff plus shoot days can drive me crazy. it's really fun working with the crew and everything, but we interns have to face lots of saikang to do. and it's the actors who are sympathising us. dammit. yet i quite like the part that we can cab around while running for errands (i can proudly say i have taken almost all types of taxis in sg. probably except for the rolls royce-ish taxi and the london cab-ish taxi) and before/after the time limit. not to mention the free drinks/donuts that i've taken.

most imptly is the pay la. though i don't have to pay pretty much a single cent during shoot days, it's still considered v low ok. it's worse than temp staff doing perm staff work at BTMU! (no i'm not going back)

i'm quite ok with staying until end may, but i shudder at the thought of cataloguing the clothes downstairs (the next intern has lots of things to do man), as well logging for score. i feel super relaxed at the Singapore Conference Hall, where we were doing hostlinks for one of the eps, cuz eileen's the one logging. she would be left alone after me gua mel leave lor. ohmann. but the thing is, the longer i indulge myself in Score, the harder it would be for me to leave (shooting will end in june)

even my dad is okay with me quitting the job. maybe i should try to convince him to allow me to get a camp instructor job. ha. and then i confirm can meet up with jq yy fy. haha. but first i need to be more decisive.

the differences between you and me might have been hidden at the beginning, but they are now glaring at me with such force that i can't turn away. time and again i have to convince myself everything is platonic, and that your behaviour is probably derived from your school experiences. and yet time and again i still find myself burying my head in the sand like an ostrich, with my heart refusing to be subdued by my rationality. today's encounter with you has further proven my point, and i should really not dwell on what i've seen. though you might not have admitted forthrightly, some of the things that you have said have somehow pointed to it. since you have chosen to be vague about it, then so be it. one more reason to convince myself.

that you're not the one.

no you're not

2009-04-27T01:45:00.003+08:00

i should be sleeping and not blogging over here. excessive hunting for a second hand phone and doing otc admin stuff (i'm totally rushing them out. ohman) are taking a toll on me. it's been at least 3 consecutive nights that i would use the laptop till damn late and i would doze off for a while in front of the laptop.

i will try and stop stop stop thinking about it. 2 weeks more and it's goodbye.

oh and happy birthday junyang. (: